When a father holds his son for the first time, a sense of pride and joy beams from his face. A young boy with an attachment to his dad often has the same look in his eyes. "The relationship a boy shares with his father is a constant in life – friendships with schoolmates, fraternity brothers and work colleagues will come and go, but the father-son relationship is one that lasts throughout life," says Christina Steinorth, the author of "Cue Cards for Life: Gentle Reminders for Better Relationships" and a licensed psychotherapist in Santa Barbara, Calif., with a master's degree in marriage and family therapy.
A boy's attachment to his father directly affects his development through the years. From healthy attachments to the risks associated with over-attachment, know how to foster your son's relationships and overall development.
Father-Son Bonding
Downfall of Over-Attachment
Although it's important for your child to feel secure and attached to both parents, when a boy is over-attached to his father, it could negatively affect his development, social skills and independence. If your 4-year-old is clinging to dad's leg each day before work or refusing to socialize with his peers for fear of losing time with dad, he may be over attached. "An over-attachment is unhealthy because both parent and child become too interdependent on each other," says Walfish. "Parents need to understand and adopt the belief that separation, self-reliance and independence are the goals for every child."
The key is to find a balance in attachment – be consistent and encourage age-appropriate independence, says Steinorth. Consistency is especially important in situations in which a mother and father may not live together and have shared custody. In this case, if your child is over-attached or experiencing separation anxiety, it's crucial for fathers to maintain a presence in the lives of their children and arrange consistent times for visits. "When a child has a secure attachment as opposed to being overly attached, he knows his father is going to come back to him, so he will be able to be okay for periods of absence," says Steinorth.
Consequences of Lack of Attachment
Many boys are raised by single moms and develop as normally as a child with his father in his life. However, a male role model, such as an uncle or family friend, may help provide continuity that is crucial to imprint the child's identity, says Walfish. "Moms can parent effectively and well without a male partner or spouse," she says. "The key is to find the right men who will be present in the growing son's life on a consistent basis over a long period of time."
When a child is growing without any paternal attachment, it may affect his developing social skills. According to Steinorth, boys may be more inclined to be violent with others or exhibit delinquent behavior without any paternal attachment. "Fathers act as a role model for their sons – they show them through their actions how to interact with women, how to keep their aggressive impulses under control, and in short, how to get along with others in a way that is assertive, while not aggressive," says Steinorth. "For these reasons, fathers are very important in the social development of their sons."
Without a father-son attachment of any kind, your son may continue to struggle with social issues beyond adolescence. "Fathers should never feel their presence isn't important or that 'Mom can handle it.' She can't fill your role the way you can," says Steinorth. "Fathers are not replaceable and are very important to the emotional, academic and social well-being of their sons."
