Why does it seem like our kids spew their version of the truth more often when they are around strangers or at the doctor’s office? They can go forever without commenting on anything, then you're all sitting answering the pediatrician's questions about bedtime and they say things like, “Mom falls asleep on the sofa and takes a nap every day and sleeps all the time, and I have to wake her up to make me breakfast?”
They definitely have a way with words, that’s for sure.
And if you were hoping it got better with age, I have a sad truth for you: It doesn’t. I now have three teenagers, and they tell people all the time that we never have any food in the house and that all I do is make them do chores.
Moms want to hear our kids talk (most of the time anyway), and instead of listening to them tell people in the grocery store our job is drinking wine or yelling at Daddy, these are the things we really need to hear from our kids instead:
1. You don’t have to do that
3. Stop
My oldest teenager is really good at saying this, and he’s always right. As a single mom, I try very hard to cover all the bases, but I do get stressed and overwhelmed. He’s told me a few times that it’s not worth it and it’s better for me to relax instead of working myself into a frenzy. It’s been the best reminder that my kids are watching me and looking to me to set boundaries and limits for myself. After all, that’s how they’ll learn to do it themselves.
4. Take your own advice
We try really hard to give our kids good advice — don’t spend time with those who treat you bad, don’t be afraid to leave a negative situation, try your best and don’t beat yourself up if you're not perfect, material things aren’t important, don’t follow the crowd if it doesn't feel right, etc.
Then, they watch us do things like stay in a bad relationship, or keep giving someone a chance who doesn’t deserve it. They notice when we aren’t happy with ourselves if we haven’t perfected something, we didn’t get a promotion, or when we're saying yes to please everyone and are grouchy and unhappy.
There’s nothing that humbles a parent like their child dishing them advice they gave them.
5. I need consequences
Now I can pretty much guarantee no child will say this to their parents, but I’ve learned something in my almost 18 years of parenting: Our kids want limits. When they're young, acting out is a cry for help. As they grow up, acting out is still a cry for help. They want to be noticed and helped — especially during those times when they can’t quite find the words to express it.
In case you need reminding, our children can often be the best reminders and the best advice-givers — we just have to make sure we're listening.
