Losing a child in a miscarriage or stillbirth causes deep grieving and emotional stress. Despite how common it is, society has yet to normalize the process of recovery for parents who have lost a child in this way.
If you’re going through it, you likely know that you need help, and you may want to seek comfort from a bereavement or death doula. What is a death doula? They are a bereavement specialist who helps a person or family deal with the transition from life to death. While the death doula can also refer to hospice scenarios, many women who have lost a child due to miscarriage or stillbirth turn to these specialists for help.
How does a bereavement doula assist with the grieving process?
Resources: How to find a death doula near me, questions to ask
Finding a death doula can be an overwhelming task. Start by asking nurses and hospice care workers if they have any recommendations. You can also use the search directory on the International End of Life Doula Association’s (INELDA) website.
Don’t just hire anyone. Asking questions and interviewing the death doula is important. In fact, you probably want to talk to two or three death doulas before you make a final decision to get the perfect person for your family.
Some questions to consider when interviewing death doulas:
- What is your experience and how long have you been doing this?
- What certifications do you hold?
- What is your philosophy about death?
- Why did you choose to become a death doula?
- What is included in the services? What isn’t?
- What are your fees?
- How do we communicate with you?
Expect to pay anywhere from $25 to $100 per hour for a death doula. The range accounts for the experience and location of the individual you hire.
Pregnancy loss: Words of comfort for miscarriage
If you are not experiencing loss but supporting someone who is, finding the right words to say to someone — especially when they’ve lost a child — can be hard. You want to express your condolences but fear that you will say something that can make mom and dad feel worse. Simply saying, “I’m sorry” is a starting point. You might offer, “This must be really difficult for you.” This provides comfort and empathy.
You want to stay away from trying to minimize the situation with things like, “You can always have another baby,” or “It wasn’t meant to be.” Moms will have a hard time processing these things because they want the baby that they lost and don’t understand why it couldn’t happen.
