Ill-Timed: Funny Pregnancy Stories From Moms

Stories We Can Relate To

Is That a Baby in Your Belly or ...

“I was sitting on the beach in Fire Island, six months' pregnant. I was wearing a bikini, and I have a tattoo on my stomach. A friend of a friend who stopped by to chat said, 'Wow, a stomach tattoo. What's going to happen if you get pregnant?' When I told him that I was, in fact, pregnant, he said, 'Oh, funny. I thought you just had a beer gut.'''

— Amy B., mom of one, New York

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The Moment You Know

“The first time I was pregnant, nothing tasted good for nine months. That’s how I knew I was pregnant again—I sat down to eat at work, took one bite and thought, 'Oh *@#!' I didn't even finish—I went to buy a pregnancy test. Randomly, I ran into a coworker and told her my story. She happened to be pregnant, too. I think that was the universe giving me a little support, don't you?”

— Kim S., mom of two, Los Angeles

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Orange Crush

"I started feeling sick at the mall, so I found a bench while my sister shopped. After a few minutes of breathing through my nose, I grabbed my bags and walked toward a trash can. A lady was leaning there, smoking, and I contemplated pushing her aside, but I spotted another one. I walked, jogged, then dropped my bags and started to all-out run—and reached it just in time to see my lunch gush out in a river of orange soda."

— Lisa F., mother of three, Portland

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How to Work the Waddle

“We were in Vegas. My husband wanted to head to the poker room after the 'Sirens' show—which meant going against traffic. So, I stuck out my belly, put one hand on my back and the other on my stomach and started to waddle, shouting, 'Coming through! Lady with a baby!' It took about three times—but we made it. I gave my husband a high five, and said, 'Now THAT’s how you get around in Vegas.'”

— Shoshana F., mom of one, Simi Valley, Calif.

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Busted

“I needed to get to a remote island in Alaska by float plane and was worried the pilot would reject me, so I wore a puffy down vest under a down coat and pretended I was naturally big. It worked, but then the pilot had to help me off the plane and I landed in his arms. He was shocked—but he couldn't really abandon a pregnant woman on an island with no hope of swimming back.”

— Nancy D., mom of two, Los Angeles

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Distracted

"I was at a spa with my wife, wearing my flip-flops. It was our babymoon. All of the sudden, a very attractive man caught my eye. He was so distracting that my flip-flop caught an edge and I fell, rolled and skidded to a complete stop. My wife asked me what happened; I told her, 'Yeah, I was looking at a hot guy.' Nothing got hurt except my ego."

— Paula G., mom of one, El Cerrito, Calif.

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