One of the first things we do when we find out we’re welcoming a baby into the world is to do some research. We scour the internet for forums and reputable sites to find answers on what to expect and what’s to come. We buy baby books and read up on all the milestones, so we know what to expect when our baby enters the world.
For the most part, these books cover the typical milestones like when babies can hold their head up, when they learn to roll over, or crawl. But there are some milestones that tend to mark a parent’s journey through parenthood that aren’t covered. They’re less about growth and development and more about unlocking levels in what it’s like to be a parent.
So, for any parent still doing their research on what to expect when your baby enters the world, here are 16 milestones that happen but you won’t read them in any book.
First Projectile Spit-Up
First Flying Leap
Naturally, a new mom never, ever, ever, ever, ever takes her eyes off her baby for even the splittest of split seconds. Right? Right?? Ha. Babies are surprisingly tough and usually make it through a small fall with little more than some tears (from baby and mom), but the guilt generally ensures it's a trauma a mom never forgets!
First Blow-Out Up the Back
Changing diapers is never fun, but the blow-out up the back is a whole different animal. Modern science has been unable to determine how babies get their dirty work to escape a diaper and defy the laws of gravity and physics, but at some point every mom ends up peeling her baby out of a onesie that he's somehow managed to fill to the neck.
Take our advice: Skip the rinsing, and just throw that outfit away. Don’t be a hero.
First Time Baby Eats Something Unknown
It happens in a flash — your peripheral vision tells you your baby swiped something and popped it in her mouth, but you do the old finger swipe and come up empty. Was it a penny? Carpet fuzz? Stale Cheerio? Just your imagination?
If it's your first baby, you're on the phone with the pediatrician before you can say "Heimlich maneuver." If it's your third baby, chances are you'll just try to remember she might not be hungry for a snack later.
First Serious Jewelry Yank
First-time moms, if no one has told you this yet, stop everything you're doing right now and take off your necklaces and dangly earrings. Babies are always looking for something to wrap around those cute little chubby fingers, which is why so many fashion-conscious mamas have horror stories about scattered beads from a broken necklace or — even worse — the agony of having an earring removed against her will. OUCH!
First Time You Do Something You Swore You'd Never Do
Every mom has certain expectations about what kind of mother she'll be — and then reality strikes. No matter what your parenting plan is, one day you'll find yourself bribing your kid with a sucker in the checkout line or letting him curl up in your bed so you can finally get five minutes of uninterrupted sleep, and even though you swore you'd never do it, you won't be sorry you did.
First Time Leaving the House Without Checking the Diaper Bag
The nice thing about this one is that it's a mistake — ahem, milestone — you're only likely to endure once. When you're at the mall with a wet baby and discover you (Gasp!) don't have fresh supplies in that gigantic bag you've been lugging around, you'll have to improvise with paper towels from the ladies' room and an impromptu diaper made from your own sweatshirt. Trust us — next time you'll check the bag.
