Sixteen years ago, when I was a newlywed, I was in the emergency room. The doctor burst in, his eyes fixated on my lab work, and proclaimed that he knew why I’d been so ill. I had type 1 diabetes, an incurable autoimmune disease. I would require insulin to live.
During my five-day hospital stay, a diabetes nurse educator visited me and asked what my family plans were. As she shared details on what a diabetic pregnancy might look like (ahem, high risk), I immediately knew that I wanted to adopt. Three years later, I was a mom-by-adoption. Over the course of eight years, my husband and I adopted four children.
People often ask me if I’m sad I’ve never carried a baby and experienced childbirth
I decided that while we waited to adopt a third time, I would commit to inducing lactation
I was a more experienced mom — and I wondered if this adoption would be our last. I got a breast pump from a lactation consultant, along with instructions on what supplements to take when. I pumped every three hours as directed. I was pleasantly surprised when I got drops, fairly early on in my journey. I also poured over Alyssa Schnell’s book Breastfeeding Without Birthing — one of the few resources on the subject.
Like every adoption process, there was a big bump in our road. We had every single bit of paperwork done except our very-delayed background checks. Our state was at a background check stand-still. We had no idea when we could even start officially waiting for a child. I was deeply discouraged, so I stopped pumping. I was exhausted from keeping up with my preschooler and toddler, while trying to establish a milk supply for our one day maybe-baby.
You might be surprised to learn that adoptive moms can breastfeed, though they likely won’t establish a full milk supply. However, the unpredictability of adoption can make inducing lactation difficult. There are tools, such as a supplemental nursing system, which allows a baby to get nutrients from a tube (it runs to a bottle) attached to the mother’s breast.
A third option is to bottle feed a baby while mom and baby are skin-to-skin
All of these options have benefits to the parent-child attachment journey. Finally, some moms choose to comfort nurse their babies — which means the mom may produce little or no milk, but the baby finds comfort is suckling.
Adoptive moms and their babies have options — and only the mom can decide what’s best for her and her baby given their situation. A certified lactation consultant can help mothers who wish to nurse, but moms should know that it’s also fine if their baby is fed by bottle with formula. Choosing to adopt has reinforced to me that truly “fed is best.”
