The REAL Truth
Leaving the Hospital Is No Easy Task
No one prepared me for discharge day. You’re exhausted, and all you want to do is go home to your own bed. But first, you and baby must complete a ridiculous gauntlet of physical and bureaucratic tests. The baby has to poop and pee a certain amount of times, pass a hearing test and scream through a brutal number of foot pricks for some test that will seriously stress you out. You have to prove to numerous people that you can breastfeed and care for yourself. Then there is the paperwork—mountains and mountains of paperwork: birth certificate, discharge release, and I don’t even know what else. I just kept filling them out and signing my name. Finally, you get baby into her special going-home outfit and all buckled into the infant seat, which you must prove you know how to use, and, oops, not so fast! That whole process took too long, and now baby has a poop explosion and wants to eat. Clean, feed, repeat, until you can FINALLY go home. And then it hits you, you are taking this tiny infant home, alone, no nurse call button. And while it is daunting and emotionally exhausting, it is ultimately oh-so-good to be home.
It's All About the Baby
And that kinda sucks. You’ve just been through this huge ordeal—you’re healing, trying to adjust, caring for your little one around the clock and coming to grips with your new role as a mom. And whether you are struggling with all of that or thoroughly enjoying it, you deserve and require just as much attention and care as the tiny human you just brought into the world. Our culture is so baby-focused that the new parents are often neglected. You don’t need someone to stop by and hold the baby so that you can get some dishes done, you need someone to come do your dishes so that you can snuggle up with your new baby. When you are pregnant, everyone rushes to open your door and makes sure you’re not doing any heavy lifting. But once that baby is out, you’re seemingly on your own, as if you should hurry up and start pulling your weight already, stitches be damned. I encourage you to speak up and ask for the help you want and need. Most people would love to lend a hand, but they just won’t think of it on their own. And of course, a snuggle from your precious bundle is excellent payment for delivered groceries or folded laundry.
Lay Off Me, I'm Starving!
You’re going to be hungry, hungry like a wolf. That first meal after giving birth? It tastes amazing, provided it isn’t hospital food! I highly recommend having someone bring you a mammoth portion of delicious takeout. After delivering my second son, I had the best meatball sub of my life. And when you get home, you will continue to be starving; unfortunately, you will also have zero time or energy to prepare food. I wish someone had told me how important it is to make and freeze meals ahead of time. Better yet, call in a bunch of favors and have friends and relatives bring you hot meals. The only thing that tastes better than a home cooked meal is one you didn’t have to cook! Nourishing food with help you feel human, but if you’re unprepared, you will end up eating a bunch of junky convenience food, and then you’ll end up feeling like junk. You will also want to make sure you’re getting lots and lots of fiber (see next slide for further explanation).
Image via Twenty20/tkfon275
The Second Labor
File this under "The Worst Thing No One Told Me." It didn’t even occur to me that using the restroom after having a baby would be so fraught with fear and discomfort. The truth is, going poop after having a baby is almost as difficult as having the baby itself. I wish I was over exaggerating, but it really was scary and painful. In fact, it was brutal. Tears were shed. I think it was even worse because I wasn’t mentally prepared for such torture. I just kept thinking, Why didn’t anyone tell me? I would have eaten more bran. Fiber is your friend, ladies. And while it wasn’t pretty, I did survive and so will you. Bowel movements, thankfully, don’t often find their way into polite conversation, but seriously, expecting moms need to know the truth about postpartum pooping.
Paging Dr. Freud
Here’s something I really wish I had known: Becoming a mother drags things up from deep within you. You might have to face issues you didn’t even know you had. Things I thought I had gotten over years ago suddenly reared their ugly head as I navigated this new role as mother. Being a mom provided new context for my own childhood. I suddenly feared that my doting husband could leave me and the baby at any time, not because he ever would, but because my own father had. Once I recognized that, talked with my husband and acknowledged that PMS had nothing on postpartum hormone swings, I felt much better. Furthermore, if you choose to do things differently than your own mother, be prepared for hurt feelings. New grandmothers are adjusting to their roles as well, and they might see your doing something differently as a direct cut to how they did things. Try to be sensitive to your mom’s feelings, but don’t let it stop you from finding your own style of parenting.
Image via Twenty20/benewhiteside
When Are You Due?
That’s right, you will still look pregnant when you leave the hospital, and for quite a while afterward. I’m not talking about a tiny little tummy pouch that could have been caused by eating an extra large burrito. I’m talking about a full-on five months preggo belly; you won’t want to donate those maternity clothes just yet. And really, who wants to give up elastic waist pants? There are plenty of suggestions for minimizing this natural post-baby shape, but the last thing I wanted to do was shove my sore and exhausted body into a girdle! I really don’t know how the Kardashians do it. Instead, I just thanked my lucky stars I wasn’t a celebrity, hiked up my maternity leggings and cozied my baby into a tummy-covering sling or wrap. You heard it here first, baby-wearing is the perfect belly camouflage!
