It’s no secret that the Duggar family has some seriously unusual dynamics — after all, they’d have to as stars of a reality TV series who have 19 children. But under their happy exterior, it certainly seems like something a bit more sinister has been brewing, and over the years, it’s become more and more clear that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar like to exert as much control over their children as possible — including the ones who are already adults.
From spying on their kids’ online behavior to taking control over their employment and even the homes they live in, it seems like Jim Bob’s reach extends much farther than most parents, especially after their children leave the nest. But according to what Jill Duggar and husband Derick Dillard have shared in recent years, Jim Bob can actually be quite controlling, even withholding money from his children that they earned by participating in Counting On on TLC.
Read on for all the ways Jim Bob and Michelle have overstepped as parents of their adult children. Are we sure they didn’t invent the term “helicopter parents” themselves?
Jim Bob Discourages Education
None of the Duggar women have gone to college or had a secondary education, and it seems to be because Jim Bob discourages it — and his sons aren’t exactly encouraged to pursue higher learning, either. The Duggars enforce their belief that women belong in the home as wives and mothers without outside employment, and so far, none of their daughters have broken that trend.
They Monitor Their Kids' Phones
Even if a Duggar child is over 18, if they still live at home, they can forget about any privacy they might have online. Jim Bob and Michelle have admitted to using software called Covenant Eyes, which alerts them to anything their kids are looking at that might not meet their conservative standards.
Their Kids' Potential Partners Have To Get Permission To Date
The Duggars have always been incredibly involved in their kids’ romantic relationships, even enforcing a rule that says they cannot date until they’re ready to do so with the intention of marriage. On Counting On, we’ve seen that Jim Bob and Michelle are present for video calls and are looped in on text messages between those who are courting — and of course, there’s always a chaperone on dates.
The Questionnaire
For a while, some Duggar fans might have thought that Jim Bob’s legendary 45-question form was an exaggeration, but it definitely isn’t. He uses it as an application to date his daughters, and it must be filled out before a suitor can ask to court a Duggar daughter.
Control Over Where Jill Lives
In a bombshell interview with People magazine, Jill revealed that her parents tried to control where she worked and where she lived while she was still working on Counting On.
“Our control to choose what jobs we were allowed to accept and even where we were allowed to live was taken away from us,” she told the outlet.
Jim Bob's Defense of Josh
Despite the fact that Josh Duggar is in his 30s, his parents haven’t stopped trying to clean up after his mistakes. After Josh’s 2021 arrest on child pornography charges, Jim Bob seemed to be heavily involved in where Josh was placed while he awaited his trial, and reportedly, he even planned to build a fence at the home where Josh was staying to protect his privacy.
His Children's Careers
According to what Derick Dillard said in a YouTube video with the channel Without a Crystal Ball, not only was he as a son-in-law kept from taking a job he interviewed for, but Jim Bob also didn’t allow his own sons to work outside of the family businesses, supposedly dictating where his adult children are employed.
Chaperoning Vacations
Even though Jana is an adult, she lives under her parents’ roof and she’s a woman, so of course she rarely travels without one of her parents. In 2020, Jim Bob even accompanied her and her friend Laura DeMasie to an interior design conference in Las Vegas. Oh, boy.
Keeping Jill Away From Her Siblings
Jill and Derick have said in the past that they’ve been banned from Jim Bob and Michelle’s house if no adults are present — that certainly makes it difficult for Jill to maintain relationships with her younger siblings who are still living with their parents. She’s even said it’s been a couple of years since she’s even been in the house.
The Dress Code
The Duggars are known for their rather restrictive dress code, based on the family’s standards of modesty. This code seems to be enforced for anyone still living with Jim Bob and Michelle. Catching a glimpse of Jana in pants is a rare sight, but it’s often that we see Jinger and Jill, who have long since moved out, wearing whatever they want.
The Adult Children Live at Home
So far, no Duggar daughter has ever moved out of the house without being married first — Jana included. Though twins Jeremiah and Jedediah did leave the nest to share a home of their own before Jed married Katey Nakatsu in 2021, that was a pretty rare event for members of this famous family.
Jim Bob Reportedly Controls His Kids' Friendships
According to reports, Jim Bob has put some distance between Jana and her best friend Laura after rumors have circulated that they’re romantically involved. Though they’ve never confirmed this, there was a time when Jana and Laura seemed to spend a lot more time together than they do now.
They Monitor Social Media
According to past reports from Duggar insiders, Jim Bob encouraged Josiah to marry Lauren because of his behavior online. Supposedly, Josiah secretly created a Facebook page without his parents’ permission, and once Jim Bob found out about it, he pulled the plug — and made sure his son was married ASAP.
Jim Bob's Real Estate Deals
Though a couple of his sons have gone on to become Realtors as adults, Jim Bob seems to have had a hand in the homes that his adult kids and their families are living in today. Jessa’s house once belonged to Josh and Anna, who got it from Jim Bob, while Jill and Derick’s first house was one they stayed in until Jim Bob sold it.
Contract Negotiations
According to Derick, Jim Bob negotiated the entire family’s contracts with TLC — including the other adults — without consulting anyone else. In fact, he didn’t even let them in on the fact that they were making money from the show until Derick and Jill got a lawyer involved to get the paycheck they were owed.
