Let Them Hit and Kick
Let Her Hate the Baby
Don’t force family love. Jealous feelings need honest acceptance. Remember, it’s not always easy to live with a baby or toddler. Jealousy often shows up as aggression in the early years. Keep the baby safe: establish a zero tolerance policy for physical attacks, but don’t expect your child to mirror your feelings. All feelings are OK; all behavior isn’t. Tell your child: “You can be mad, but I can’t let you hurt the baby.”
Bombs & Bad Guys OK
Preschoolers use weapon play to explore fears, make friends and develop morality. Yes, morals. Weapon play often involves good-guy/bad-guy games, which are full of good and evil. Set limits if you’re worried about safety (don’t aim at faces), but allow the play. If kids are laughing, having fun and showing concern when someone gets hurt, there’s no cause for worry. A child who plays pirate won't grow up to become a pirate.
Love Their Lies
Young kids lie to express wishes and to try to control their world. It’s not a morality crisis. Translate your child’s lie into what it is: “You really wish that’s the way it happened, huh?” Don’t pounce. Chances are, she’s trying to say the right thing. Most kids lie to please adults. So stay calm. Teach her to make amends if she made a mess, and that the truth pleases you most.
'I Hate You' Isn't Personal
Remember who’s speaking (an angry young child), and don't take the bait. Overlook the harsh words and focus on the feelings underneath. “Wow, you’re really mad at me. You’re so mad you’re yelling ‘I hate you.’” Simply making this observation can help you both calm down. He’s probably mad because you just set a firm behavior limit, so keep perspective and don’t be devastated. An angry child needs help appropriately expressing feelings.
Let Them Swear
Most kids love saying banned words. So let them—in the bathroom. By giving a safe location to say bad words (whether “poop,” “dummy” or something stronger), you meet their need for exploration and power without hurting your ears. This helps kids learn what’s appropriate and what’s not. Besides, complete censorship rarely works. Kids love the illicit thrill and shock power of swearing if you ban it.
Get a 'No Girls' Sign
Starting around age 3, it’s natural for kids to sort into girls and boys during play. Single-sex play typically continues for seven years. Preschoolers sometimes establish their gender identity by excluding others, so you might hear cries of “No boys allowed!” or “No girls in our clubhouse!” Let it go. It’s not a major threat against equal rights. These proclamations are one way kids make friends and figure out “I’m a girl. He’s a boy.”
