For years, my husband and I mulled over the prospect of having another child. Each year, the prospect seemed more distant. Some moms say their families are complete with so much certainty. I didn’t feel that way about our little family of three, but I didn’t feel we were incomplete either. So, the baby subject felt like one big question mark.
Then more years passed and after experiencing an early loss, I came to think our one child might be our only. But then it happened: I was pregnant — and stayed pregnant!
After the initial halo of joy, I realized, “OMG, WE’RE HAVING A BABY?!”
Something about a second baby makes you extra cognizant of the fleeting nature of these years
I want time to slow down, so I purposely slow down. Let me soak in Saturday mornings with my nursing, bouncy baby. Let her sleep in my arms. Let me enjoy her baby giggles so that I might remember them forever. This baby makes me slow down with my eldest too. Yes, let’s play with dolls. Yes, I’ll tell you one more bedtime story. Yes, let’s bake cupcakes while Dad holds the baby. Time is our most precious resource. A baby reminds you of this.
I know my experience as a mom, honed over years, helped me be a happier second-time mom, if only because we avoided some missteps. Whereas both my husband and I handled all the newborn care of our first daughter together, for our second baby we knew we needed to take turns so the other could get sleep whenever possible. Sleeplessness exacerbates anxiety, so getting that crucial rest when you can is one of the best things you can do as a new mom.
There are other examples
The second time around, I brought my own breastfeeding pillow, nipple balm and nursing loungewear to the hospital to make breastfeeding as pleasant as possible. It definitely helped! I was so nervous about my first baby getting sick that we stayed indoors for nearly three months. But for my second? Once I was well enough to go on a walk, I took the baby out in the stroller so that I could get fresh air and I felt great.
One big lesson I learned the hard way with my first was how important it was to make mealtimes easy. So before our second was born, I made sure that we’d have plenty of ready-made meals so that our first few weeks could go by smoothly. Another thing I didn’t have to stress over? We still had a lot of baby gear and clothes. No frantic shopping or gift registries.
I’m not naive. You could say I’m so happy, in part, because everything that could have gone wrong didn’t. We had a complication-free birth. Our baby was healthy. I had access to healthcare. I have a supportive spouse. I’m grateful for all of this.
The biggest difference between baby one and two? I already know who I am as a mother.
I don’t second-guess myself when a well-meaning relative offers advice. I know when the advice is wrong! This isn’t my first rodeo.
I believe all this together helped set the stage for a calmer, happier mama. I now know each baby is its own experience of motherhood. I became a mama again and life is so sweet.
