Children who are bullied sometimes feel shamed or intimidated and may suffer in silence for a long time before the adults in their lives know what’s happening. Those who become bullies may be modeling the behavior they experience at home or struggling with stress or anxiety. And between the two extremes, there are myriad reasons and situations in which bullying occurs.
While every state has anti-bullying laws in place, bullying statistics in 2022 indicate that 73% of people feel as though they were bullied at some point in their lives. Some caregivers even inadvertently teach bullying behavior through their own actions. So, how do you talk to your child about bullying, whether they’re the ones targeting other children or they’re on the receiving end of it?
Why do people bully?
How not to be a bully to your child
We all experience frustration from time to time, and it’s easy — with the stressors of work, day-to-day life, and managing a home and family — to lose our cool every once in a while. However, most of us recognize this, make the effort to apologize to those we’ve hurt, and vow to do better next time.
Unfortunately, there are times when parents are the original bullies in our children’s lives. Name-calling, continuous criticism, and flying off the handle over insignificant things can take their toll on anyone, especially children. And, this behavior modeled at home, often creates bullies in the schoolyard.
“It’s important for parents to think about how their behaviors might influence their kids — the way they speak to their children, the way they speak to their spouses, the way they handle anger — and to be realistic about whether or not this might be something that’s been modeled for the child,” clinical psychologist Kristin Carothers told Child Mind Institute.
Talk to your child about bullying, and see if you recognize areas where you could improve your own interactions within your family. Family counseling can be helpful in teaching coping strategies and effective communication skills that will carry over into your child’s interactions at school.
In the meantime, if you notice that you’re being aggressive toward your child or with others within the family, know that your child will pick up on that. Use positive reinforcement with your child rather than negative discipline.
Teach your child to see the positive in other people and let them know that you too are working through your emotions and frustrations and trying to model good behavior toward others. Openness and honesty will go a long way in helping your child recognize the proper way to interact with others.
None of us are perfect. But by keeping the lines of communication open with our children, providing resources and insight to help them cope with their emotions, and looking out for signs of stress and anxiety or situations where our child may be being bullied, we’ll be better able to recognize issues and intervene when necessary.
