Watch Your Tone
Don't Minimize
Be careful not to discount your daughter’s feelings. If she says she’s not pretty, you may be tempted to say, “Oh, that’s not true.” Resist this temptation. Instead, listen. Then, afterwards you can still respond, but do it in a way that acknowledges the validity of her feelings as well: "I know you don’t feel pretty right now, and I felt awkward at your age, too. What is it that you’re not feeling great about?"
Don't Overreact
There’s a decent chance that if your daughter opens up, you’ll hear something you don’t like. When it happens, remain neutral, in control. If you don’t, she’ll stop telling you things. Later on, you can go to her and diplomatically say something like, “I want to mention something you may not have thought of.” But foremost, listen and avoid preaching, showing you hear her and that you’re on her side no matter what.
Ask Her Advice
Talk to your daughter about an upcoming decision you need to make. Don’t burden her with anything too serious or scary, but find something you’re trying to make a decision about, and have her help you with it. Being asked for advice will often make a person want to talk. Plus, it will show her that you value how she thinks about things and the mutual respect part of your relationship.
Surprise Her
Give your daughter something small and unexpected to let her know you're thinking about her and that you think she's great. Maybe a trinket, a well-timed text or a note under her pillow. A “just because” gesture. Don’t make it about money, and don’t buy anything too nice. Just emphasize how much you care. It’ll deepen the connection between you and open up the possibility for better communication.
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Read the Same Book
Find an especially suspenseful or dramatic story—one that has plenty of “Can you believe it?!” moments—and read it together. Maybe even invite a few of her friends and their mothers to join you for a low-pressure book club.
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Exchange Messages
Get a notebook and write your daughter a brief letter, leaving it on her bed for her to write you back. Then she can write a note and leave the notebook on your bed. It might be about feelings, or maybe it’s a joke or a question to be answered. Just keep communicating.
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