My oldest two girls jumped in the van after school, one of them eagerly sharing that it was the day. I asked her what day she was referring to, and she rolled her eyes, like a normal teen does. Then she replied, “Mom! It’s report card day!”
They asked me to check their grades when we got home, each wanting to know how they did. I couldn’t remember my password to get into the school system, because it had been so long since I checked their grades. Unlike a lot of parents, our family doesn’t put any emphasis on grades, honor roll lists, awards, or any other (often artificial) measures of accomplishment.
Now before you angry-tweet me, we absolutely celebrate our children’s victories when it matters to them
It’s because they were well rounded, not just academically upright
Life skills are what will carry a child through adulthood — not the grade they earned on a math test in the fourth grade or the attendance award they received in middle school. Now, there’s nothing wrong with a child being academically on-target or gifted. However, there’s also nothing wrong with the child who isn’t.
When I think of my children as adults, I hope that they are respectful, well-mannered, confident, inclusive, and filled with purpose. I want them to see what they want in life and go for it, but not to the point of having a physical or mental breakdown. I want them to seek balance, relish in joy, and take time to smell the proverbial roses.
We don’t reward or punish our kids for their grades
Instead, if we see them struggling academically, we discuss what’s going on and come up with solutions. We make sure our kids know that their value as people doesn’t rest on how much red ink (or lack thereof) is on the papers they bring home from school. They are so much more than their academic performance.
After two years (and counting) of a global pandemic, children now, more than ever before, need parents who connect with them, teach them, and listen to them. Their fast-tracked, catching-up, academic success should be the least of parents’ worries. When a child’s needs are met, when they feel safe and loved, they will exude these — sharing them with others. Then, and only then, will a child be able to do their academic best, whatever that is.
