For so many families, kids’ sports bring a sense of pride, self-worth, and accomplishment. They also foster dreams of making it big or receiving a college scholarship. This can make it extremely difficult for parents to accept it when kids want to quit their sport — especially when those kids are performing well and showing promise. But from what I’ve experienced as a high school and college elite swimmer, I believe that no matter how hard it is, parents need to respect their kids’ decision to quit.
For 10 years of my childhood, I swam competitively. At my peak, I cranked out 10 to 11 miles a day, lifted heavy weights three days a week, and drove myself across town at 4 in the morning and after school. I trained six days a week, through major holidays, and competed in meets on weekends. With no time for anything else, the overtraining left me sleep-deprived, lethargic, anxiety-ridden, and depressed, and yet I continued to push through the pain because my performance was important to my parents, especially my father.
Today, I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter how difficult it is, parents need to respect their kids’ decision to quit and here’s why:
Making tough decisions boosts confidence
It protects a child’s mental health
I felt powerless about leaving swimming for so many years. I ended up in a hospital in a state of high anxiety with bulimia and a host of other ailments related to stress, many of which have continued to plague me into adulthood. It took me two decades to trust my own judgment enough to recognize abusive relationships and get out of them.
When athletes learn to ignore their emotional needs, their emotional development can be delayed, resulting in a lifetime struggle with trusting themselves. Not all athletes have trouble deciding if their sport is worth the time and effort, but when unhappy athletes are given the opportunity to quit when they want to, they learn at an early age to trust their own judgment.
It can free up a spot on the team for a more motivated athlete
After so many years of competitive swimming, my parents feared that my quitting would leave a hole not only on the team, but in my life. I’d developed no other skills and had no job experience. In so many ways, the all-consuming nature of swimming had handicapped me.
What I discovered when I finally had the courage to leave, was that nobody on the team seemed to notice. It wasn’t because they held animosity. They simply had moved on. So, despite feeling as though I’d abandoned the team, my quitting had been a win-win. The decision had allowed my coach to provide a scholarship to another more motivated swimmer.
It shows unconditional love and support
Sometimes parents are so proud of their child’s performance that the child gets the impression that their parents value them for what they do rather than for who they are. Believing that your performance is more important than you as a person can have devastating consequences in adult relationships. It reveals itself as giving too much and feeling disappointed. You overgive because you don’t trust that the other person will care about you unless you give them more.
Of course, when a child excels in a sport, it’s easy for a parent to get caught up in the whirlwind of a child’s achievements. But making their own choices — even bad ones — can help kids feel loved and respected. Teaching children to be responsible for their decisions is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child.
