Training Up
Baby Diets
In the past few years, pediatricians have reported that more and more parents are putting their infants on diets. While underfeeding and watering down formula are popular tactics among that crowd, a set of parents in Washington State took it a step further by putting laxatives in their baby’s bottle, a move that contributed to them losing custody of their infant. Moreover, many of these moms and dads are actually bragging about their underweight, bony newborns. The pound-obsessed parents, most of whom were overweight themselves as kids and teens, say they’re just trying to avoid childhood obesity. While their intentions may not be malevolent, their actions are deplorable. This trend makes us long for the good old days when chubby baby thighs elicited only “oohs” and “ahs.”
Elimination Communication
This diaper-free method of child-raising involves a few steps: First, mom must learn the cues, like grimacing or squirming, that indicate her newborn needs to go to the bathroom; then she creates noises that correspond to those cues; lastly she makes those sounds—the “elimination communication”—while holding her child over a toilet, sink or if outside, sewer, in the hope that the baby goes potty on demand. Practitioners say the messy method is environmentally friendly, prevents diaper rash and lets mom and baby connect more intimately. Pediatricians say children under a year of age cannot consciously control their bowel movements. The general public says letting your baby defecate between two parked cars, as one elimination communicator in Brooklyn has been known to do, is simply disgusting.
Indigo Children
According to the new age concept of indigo children, a psychically receptive and spiritually evolved breed of youngsters has emerged to rid the world of social ills. The traits that make kids indigos—smart, empathetic, impatient, disruptive, demanding and disdainful toward authority—are very similar to those that qualify a child as having ADHD. Believers don’t attribute their child’s inability to thrive in social settings like schools and playgrounds to a psychiatric disorder or general unruliness, but rather a world that’s just not ready for their pint-size sages. Doctors warn that attributing inattention or misconduct to aura may delay helpful treatment … and lead to kids who feel entitled to misbehave because they’re told doing so is exactly what makes them special.
Pole Dancing for Kindergarteners
Studios in England, Scotland and Canada now offer pole dancing classes for kids as young as 6. Little girls can increase their balance, flexibility and strength, while also learning a trade to put themselves through college. Studio owners say that kids see the pole merely as a piece of equipment, but most parents agree that the underlying eroticism and surrounding strip club culture make the activity psychologically dangerous, especially in an age when young girls are already hypersexualized. If pole dancing becomes an Olympic sport—there’s a group pushing for its inclusion—perhaps the sexual subtext will slowly dissipate and girls will be able to swing without any emotional implications. Until then, experts say to stick with traditional gymnastics.
Athletics for Newborns
Looking to gain a competitive edge, parents are starting their children in sports earlier than ever, in many cases before their tots can even walk. DVDs and gym classes aimed at babies 4 to 6 months old are selling at record rates. In addition to skills like jumping, kicking and swinging, future superstars are taught the rules that guide various games. While the entrepreneurs behind these companies say exposing babies to athletics is a great way to prevent childhood obesity, orthopedists caution that the trend could lead to overuse injuries at even younger ages. The American Academy of Pediatrics stresses that the most important type of play for overall infant and child development is that of the unstructured variety.
Sign Shaming
This growing trend uses public humiliation to discipline kids. As punishment for transgressions like poor grades, disrespect and stealing, moms and dads are forcing their children to hold signs announcing their wrongdoings on street corners with heavy traffic. Many of these parents also post pictures of the punishment on Facebook, causing their offspring’s infamy to go viral. While this sentence will definitely humiliate a child and may temporarily fix the problem, psychologists caution that the technique ultimately does more harm than good, leading to resentment, trust issues and often further insolence. Moreover, experts say sign shaming models the bullying behavior we’re so desperately trying to stop in schools.
