When it comes to the pandemic, beyond the obvious concerns of physical health and safety for our kids, there is also the worry about the continuous emotional wear caused by stress, isolation, disruption, and uncertainty affecting our children. For many kids, the pandemic has exacerbated their anxieties and has negatively affected their mental health.
For white single mom Elizabeth Shiffer, her 13-year-old daughter struggles with both depression and anxiety. “The pandemic amplified both,” Schiffer told Mom.com. “She’s struggled with insomnia in the year since this all began. She’s had panic attacks, and it didn’t help that I moved us back to California, so the poor kid is dealing with a new school again on top of it all.”
It’s been more than a full year since the World Health Organization officially pronounced COVID-19 a pandemic, and it’s clear that we’ll be feeling the impact on our mental health as parents — as well as helping our kids navigate their own mental health struggles. Whether your children are very young or older and in college, this past year of social distancing, quarantine, distance learning, missed milestones, and possible deaths of loved ones has most assuredly affected them.
This doesn’t even take into account whether your kids normally deal with anxiety or depression — nor the influence of current events on children who are aware of just how many people have died due to COVID-19, the spike in anti-Asian hate, the civil uprisings, as well as the attack on the Capitol at the start of 2021. Even if your kids seem fine, continue to check in on them; the pandemic and its effects can take time to manifest. Plus, due to social stigma, shame, and a desire not to be a burden, adolescents and young adults may try to hide their struggles from loved ones.
How the pandemic has impacted mental health in children
How to help your child manage depression or anxiety
Few things are as frustrating and helplessness-inducing as seeing your child suffer. For Wilson, their family made some big changes to help her teen. “In order to help him cope, we ended up amping up our time spent outdoors with hiking, family runs, etc.,” she shared. “Where online gaming kept him connected to friends, insomnia became an issue so we started having him meditate before bed and removing his phone from his room. It’s all been exhausting.” Motivated in huge part by her experience, Wilson created a resource to help other families in similar situations.
Dr. Lee suggested parents lean into their child’s strengths. “If your child loved playing on a sports team but can’t now, try solo workout drills or practice technical skills with a parent instead,” she suggested. “If they were into the arts, schedule a virtual recital or gallery and invite friends and family. Now that it may be getting warmer, spend more time outdoors — never underestimate the power of the sun to lift people’s spirits.”
Crystal T. shared that some of her son’s anxiety has been relieved by more trips to the park and quality time with her and her husband. “Hiring a nanny who could focus her attention on him and give him one-on-one help with schoolwork has also done wonders,” she said. She also requested workload reductions at school and added quality time with each kid doing something they choose.
According to Chang, here are some ways you can help your child deal with their depression and anxiety:
- Praise and affirm by focusing on what your kids are doing well and what they’re good at instead of looking at the things they could do better.
- Reflectively listen by mirroring your kids nonverbally and verbally so they feel welcomed to share more.
- Initiate conversations on difficult topics like racism, mental health, peer pressure, and social media so you can stay on top of what’s going on.
- Engage enthusiastically in whatever your kids are showing interest in (e.g., sports, activities, friends, etc.).
“Talk to your kids about mental health. Share what depression and anxiety is. If you are not sure, learn for yourself also,” advised Dr. Beigel. “Ask them how they are feeling and what they are feeling.”
Because physical health is linked to mental health, here are some ways you can encourage your kids’ physical health:
- Let your kids go outside and run around. Have them get as much sun (and vitamin D) as possible.
- Eat whole foods such as vegetables and fruit.
- Find safe ways to play with other children such as through technology.
Finally, be aware of your own mental health and well-being. Get help and support if you are also struggling with depression and anxiety. Chang has also seen an uptick in parents seeking therapy due to burnout. “Working from home, managing virtual learning with and for their kids has taken its toll,” she said. Chang emphasized that self-care is family and community care; it should be a top priority or the kids will end up struggling as well.
