Narcissists are all over the news lately. There's Anthony Weiner, who seems to think it's no one's business but his own (and maybe his wife's — at least when she finds out about it) that he chronically sexts random young women. Never mind that he wants to, you know, run the biggest city in the country. There's Ariel Castro. Who seems to believe that he had every right to nab three women off the street and hold them captive for 10 years because he had sexual needs to fulfill. The narcissist is all about himself. Not all of them bring it to the extreme that Weiner and Castro do — many classic narcissists are upstanding, successful members of society. Experts say that most people on Wall Street are narcissists. No surprise there. But could you be married to one? And what could this mean for you? Here are 8 clues that you're married to a narcissist.
1. Narcissists put themselves above everything else. Can't afford a new sports car? Doesn't matter if the narcissist wants it — even if that means not letting your kid go to summer camp or get a tutor. What the narcissist wants reigns supreme. Does the narcissist want to meet an old girlfriend for dinner? Then he has every right to. You don't control him! If you're with a narcissist, you will continually find that your time, money, schedule, and energy revolve around his wants and needs.
2. Putting you down. As paradoxical as it seems, narcissists are obsessed with themselves but actually very insecure. So in order to puff themselves up, they have to put you down. It can be anything from telling you flat-out how stupid and incompetent you are to subtle put-downs that you may hardly even notice at first, something like, "That color only looks good on thin people."
3. Dysfunctional family. Almost all narcissists come from broken or dysfunctional homes. Their narcissism was a needed survival mechanism at the time. Now he can't get out of it — and probably doesn't see any reason to.
4. Scared of feelings. Narcissists don't like talking or even thinking about feelings. They often won't admit that they're angry, even if they are throwing things against the walls. If something traumatic happens, they'll deny they are sad about it.
5. Idol worship. Narcissists often have people they worship, who can do no wrong. Usually it's a boss or mentor or someone else they see as successful. Narcissists are often obsessed with professional success. If the narcissist's idol ever shows a flaw, the narcissist is outraged.
6. Self-aggrandizing. Narcissists can do it all — put together a PowerPoint presentation whilst skiing down a snowy mountain and whipping up a five-course meal all while closing a massive real estate deal. At least according to them.
7. Gifted liar. Narcissists frequently lie — about both big and small things. You may not catch them for years because they are good at justifying themselves and coming up with excuses. After you've caught a narcissist in a lie, even a huge one, it's not unusual for YOU to somehow end up being the one who apologizes.
8. You feel like utter crap. If you generally feel duped, put upon, tricked, manipulated, lied to, criticized, belittled, worthless, and humiliated in your relationship — then chances are you are with a narcissist.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a narcissist?
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