Everyone has an opinion about everything. And when you're getting divorced, those opinions about everything are something everyone wants to bestow upon you. Do this. Don't do that. Make sure you absolutely don't do that. Never do that. You must do this. There are experts out there — experts on you and what you should do. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. And one of the toughest topics out there with steadfast critics is the one about when to introduce your kids to your boyfriend.
Everyone's involved in this decision whether you want them to be or not. Your family. Your kids. The ex. I think it's better to introduce the kids to your boyfriend right away.
And by boyfriend, I don't mean some guy that makes you laugh and you enjoy having a glass of wine with every now and then. I also don't mean the guy you just met online and your first date involves having ice creams at the playground as a pretend family. It kind of has to be this perfect dance of that moment you realize that this guy is something wonderful — and he thinks you're something amazing — and the only way to take this whole I think we're falling in love thing to the next level is to introduce him to the kids. Because if that turns out to be a disaster, you can end it sooner. As in right away. Because if the guy cannot mesh with your kids, there should be no meshing with you or your heart or your whole everything.
If you put this off … for months and months or some imaginary timeline everyone else seems to want to impose on the situation … you could end up having wasted all those months and months. Critics of my theory, of course, are going to say, But what about the kids? They will see you with some guy and think who is this man mommy is with? What does it all mean?
Depending on the age of your kids, you can handle that. You're a mom. Moms know what's up and how to best handle things of that nature. Besides, it's not like you're saying, "Hi kids! Meet your new daddy!" while you make out with him and then slap his ass. That's not what this is about. At all. It's just a simple meet and greet. A little observation. And the kids get to sniff him out. Because kids are GREAT at that. They are like dogs. They know the good people and the bad people and they will growl at the bad people. Essentially you will know if this is going to work out or not; worth pursuing or not; a good idea to allow yourself to fully fall in love or not.
Some may think it's selfish. But I don't see it that way. Happy mommy equals happy kids. And if there is going to be a new man in their lives who is going to draw them pictures of Spider-Man, teach them how to be Batman, and happily wear a multi-color beaded necklace made by your daughter around his neck even when he's not around your kids, you know you've made the right decision.
Do you think there is a right time to introduce your boyfriend to your kids? Does it have to do with an actual timeline (example months, years) or rather based on emotions?
Image via Marco Spaapen/Flickr
