Have you ever called in sick to work? Have you ever called in sick when you TOTALLY were not? A hilarious Reddit thread features some of the worst best excuses there are out there to get out of work, and some of them are downright genius.
Everyone needs a mental health day once in a while. There is no reason a person shouldn't be allowed to say, "I'm drained." And leave it at that. Of course, that would be SO much less hilarious. So if you are in the market for a believable cop-out, you can't go wrong with one of these 10 excuses for calling out sick.
Check them out below and then tell us:
What's YOUR best lie to get out of work?
Image © iStock.com/cglade
The Sick Child Excuse
"My kids," said one commenter on Reddit in the conversation about the best and worst sick day excuses. "They have so many doctor's appointments, they should either be near death or the healthiest kids in the world." LOL! It's true. On the other hand, this gives parents a bad name!
More from The Stir: How to Build a 'Sick Day Survival Kit' for Your Kids
The Diarrhea Excuse
"Diarrhea. Nobody questions that shit," said another on Reddit. Amen. But I could NEVER say the d-word. NEVER. So that's out for me! It's just too gross.
The 'Hemorrhoids' Excuse
One hilarious Redditor said HE (I assume it's a he??) used THIS excuse: "Take it to the next level with hemorrhoids. Nobody questions THAT shit."
I'm sorry, but if you have a hemorrhoid big enough to keep you from work, you have something more serious than a pain in the butt. Still, he preaches the truth. No one in their right mind would question that.
The 'Green Shirt' Excuse
"Whenever I knew I wanted to leave early from work, I had a particular shirt I would wear," said one particularly inventive Redditor. "It was a strange shade of green that made me look strange and yellowish. I would come in and mope and people would tell me that I looked awful and suggest I go home. I would reluctantly agree."
How Ferris Bueller is that?! I have to give this person mad props, and, hell, if I were the boss, I'd be HAPPY to grant a sick day after that one. Well-played!
The 'Bad Sushi' Excuse
This next one takes major forethought and planning: "Set it up as early as today: 'My buddy and I are eating at Yoshi's Big Discount Sushi Warehouse (obviously say something real) on Wednesday after work! Can't wait!'" another creative liar suggests. "Then late Wednesday, text the boss or a co-worker 'Shouldn't have eaten 10 lbs of discount sushi. I think my butt is about to explode hot lava poo all night.'" (Um, lovely image, thanks.)
"Then finally call in that morning: 'Hi, I spent all night in the shower while liquids exploded out of both ends of me. I will not be in today.'"
Again, charming. Would any boss actually buy this and would any employee really give such explicit details? Not to mention: Isn't it also mean to call out that restaurant that way — especially when it's a lie? We smell a lawsuit brewing!
The Dead Relative Excuse
"You can always go with sudden dead elderly relative I guess," another person suggests. "No tears, just look like you're in shock. If you really go ultra complex, you could even swing bereavement leave."
This just sounds like BAD form and even worse karma to us. Don't try this one at home, kids!
The Sick Spouse Excuse
"I have lied about having a [sick] spouse to get out of work before," said another devious commenter.
Again with the bad karma … do what you want, but THIS one? No way would I ever use it. That said, I do have a husband. Unlike this deceptive Redditor, who makes up both the spouse and the illness in one shot!
The Migraine Excuse
"[I have a migraine, I say]. I even act all pissy and annoyed about having to be on the phone," admits another in the Reddit thread. Clearly someone who knows what works and plays it pretty straight. Who'd question that?
The 'No Excuse' Excuse
This may be my favorite, because confidence is key when you suddenly decide to bow out of work. Yes, it's the the old "I'm taking the rest of the day off and there's nothing you can do about it!" route!
"Excuses are for losers," this Redditor says. "Just look confident and focused as you walk out, and people will assume you have an important business appointment."
The Onion Excuse
File this under: WHO knew?! This Redditor says: "I used to work at a restaurant and learned this from my Brazilian immigrant coworker: Apparently if you put onions in your socks and walk around for a few hours, it gives you temporary symptoms you would get from a typical cold/fever. I tried it once, worked like a charm!" Um, AWESOME?! But also: Ew. Seriously?
These stories are based on posts found on Reddit. Reddit is a user-generated social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website where registered members submit content to the site and can up- or down-vote the content. The accuracy and authenticity of each story cannot be confirmed by our staff.
