I think we can all agree that dumping someone with a text message is the worst. But what if you don't want to so much as breathe the same air as your soon-to-be ex EVER AGAIN? Well, you're in luck. We have some delightful breakup cards you could send instead. Yes, breakup cards: for when you want to be polite about breaking someone's heart.
Which of these could you see yourself sending?
Image via etsy.com
I Want My Stuff Back
Will you get your stuff back if you send this Snarky Breakup Card reading "I want my stuff back" ($4.75, etsy.com)? Well, it's blank inside so you can itemize everything. And you have to admit, that typeface is much nicer than he deserves.
I Don't Want to Go Out With You
Keep it direct and simple with this emotionally neutral green It's Over breakup card reading, "I don't want to go out with you anymore" ($3.50, etsy.com).
You Deserve Someone Worse
Okay, breaking up with someone via email is barely a step above dumping via text. But if you feel this strongly about your not-so-significant other, why not tell them they "deserve someone worse" with this e-card?
Your Band Sucked Anyway
For all of you who fell for that cute dummer in a band … only to find out that 1. his band sucked 2. and so did he, we have this lovely Breakup card that notes "Your Band Sucked Anyway" ($3.20, etsy.com)
More from The Stir: 10 Things You Can't Expect to Get Back After a Breakup
I'm Making Changes in My Life
Not sure if you're ready to commit to un-committing? Maybe send this completely vague Vintage Card entitled, "Making Changes" ($3.95, etsy.com). But let's be honest. You wouldn't send this unless you were pretty darn sure you're dumping him.
My Favorite Ex-Boyfriend
It's a consolation prize of sorts, you know? Make his day with this Breakup Card informing him that "You're My Favorite Ex-Boyfriend" ($4, etsy.com).
Holding Back
Because that's a lot of effort! This breakup e-card expresses how much you regret having held in even a single fart for him.
Better Luck Next Time
This Divorce Card reading "Better Luck Next Time But Not Really" ($3.25, etsy.com) truly conveys the sour feeling you get when you know you should be rising above your bitterness but just. Can't.
More from The Stir: 20 Tricks for Getting Through Divorce in One Piece
Yeah, Let's Break Up
How long have you been thinking about this? This Breakup Card truly captures that feeling when you both just know ($3.45, zazzle.com). Inside it reads, "I'm not saying it's you, but I know it's not me. But hey … Good luck!"
Come Pick Up Your S---
What are you going to do with all those dumb t-shirts and his toothbrush? Give him some warning by sending this Breakup Greeting Card reading "Come pick up your sh*t before I have a bonfire" ($3.50, cafepress.com).
It's Not You, It's Me ...
This breakup e-card lets you dance around that uncomfortable truth: It's him, actually.
More from The Stir: 10 Things Every Woman Going Through a Divorce Wants to Hear
I'm So Outta Here
Woohoo! Look at you with your Escape Route Break-Up Card saying "I'm so outta here" ($4.50, etsy.com). The interior reads, "you + me = done."
I Am So Done With You
Get straight to the point with this Funny breakup card and tell him, "I am so done with you" ($4.12, etsy.com).
If Loving You Is Wrong
My hunch: Loving him was wrong. Way to make things right again (at least for you) by sending this breakup e-card.
More from The Stir: 9 Poignant Divorce Quotes That Will Mend Your Broken Heart
Press Delete ...
Apologies to everyone who just spit out her coffee while reading this one, but OMG, right? You let HIM into your inner sanctum, and now you wish you could erase all memory of it. So maybe you grab this "Press Delete on Your Vagina" card ($4.50, etsy.com)
