You go to a friend's house and notice not only is her kitchen way cleaner than yours, but her husband seems like the 2.0 version of the guy YOU married. By the time you get back home to YOUR dude, you're secretly thinking, "Hey, why can't you be more like Mr. So-and-So?" It's okay: Comparing your partner is natural, notes a new study out of the University of Toronto.
But when you start wondering how your man can/should change, that's when you start to make micro-tears in your marriage.
Did you catch what you SHOULDN'T be doing in the above scenario? We'll tell you right now — it never helps to compare your cleaning skills to that of other women, especially ones that have professional maids coming in once a week. But that's not it.
The answer: protecting your partner. For example …
Bad: "Hmph! I see Julie's husband cooks dinner AND cleans up. Why doesn't my own lazy husband do that?"
Good: "That's pretty cool Julie's husband cooks dinner and cleans up, but God, I'd hate having to eat steak every night. I'm glad I get to cook what I want. Good thing MY husband plays with the kids while I get some time alone in the kitchen."
Get it?
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In psych-speak, temporarily boosting your perception of your partner helps you deal with any negative effects you'd get from comparing him in the first place. Of course, your husband isn't perfect. NO one is.
We're guessing somewhere online there's a secret message board for celeb spouses where Angelina Jolie grouses about how Brad Pitt never remembers to turn on the dishwasher, and Amal Clooney's all, "Why the f*** won't George go to the doctor if he feels sick??!"
Sure, Mr. So-and-So may make his own ice cream, loves giving foot massages, and is training for an Ironman marathon. Whatevs. Try focusing instead on all the wonderful things your OWN husband does and how truly lucky YOU are.
And the next time your husband sees Mrs. So-and-So in a bikini complaining that she doesn't get to watch as much sports as she likes and wishing she could figure out what to do with the MASSIVE inheritance she just fell into, hopefully your partner will do the same.
Image via CREATISTA/shutterstock
