When it comes to blind dates, I'm convinced that there are only two good outcomes: You fall in love or you get an amazingly TERRIBLE, so-bad-it-is-good story out of it. Anything else is just not worth the trouble of putting on your date night pants.
Today we are going to enjoy some blind date stories from both ends of the spectrum, We've got tales of blind dates that led to babies and wedding bells and stories that prove that sometimes it is better just to stay single.
I honestly wasn't sure anything could beat the story of a friend who got set up on a blind date with a guy who turned out to be her cousin (!), but I think #7 might be a contender.
Image via iStock.com/Susan Chiang
Far Above You
"So, my senior year of college, I went through a bad breakup. When I started to want to get back out there, I was going to an all-women's college, working in a cosmetic department, and interning in an office where the median age was 57.
So online dating it was. Except I was too poor for the paid sites. So I responded to a Craigslist ad. He was a PhD student at the university, in physics. Anyways, he said he liked beer and asked me to choose a place. I suggested this brand-new restaurant The Happy Gnome. Long pause on his end. Awkward clearing of throat. He agrees to meet me there at 7 the following day.
I get there and he is SHORT. Not like a little person, but maybe only 5'1". Okay, fine, I'm still nice. Asking him questions about himself, etc. And he is a pompous dick. He actually asks me, 'Why are you JUST graduating with your BA at age 25? I was PAST my master's at that point.' I stumble over how to answer, but at this point, the waitress shows up with our check. He stares me in the eye, pats his wallet and says coolly, 'Oops. Guess I left my check card at home.'
Waitress chimes in, 'This guy is unbelievable!!' as I'm trying to shove my card in her hand, because, my God, I just want it to be over. He stands up to leave and says, 'It's pretty obvious that this won't go anywhere. I'm clearly very far above you.'
And I just sat there, stunned.
To this day, my biggest regret is not screaming back, 'No! I'm clearly above YOU, you modern-day f**king Napoleon asshat!! By six f**king inches!!'" — L.D.
Just Joking!
"My mother actually set me up with a guy from her work. He seemed nice at first, but then kept making all these racist and sexist jokes. Every time he'd tell a joke, I wouldn't laugh and he'd say, 'Just joking!' in this annoying singsong voice. I finally left in the middle of dinner because I couldn't take it anymore. To this day, I still can't imagine what I did to my mom to make her punish me with a date with this guy." — A.W.
Not Gay
"I got set up with a guy and talked on the phone first. We actually had a great talk, but during the entire two-hour conversation, I kept thinking, 'He sounds gay.' But I shrugged it off as just a manner of speaking. We decided to meet up that weekend. I went to his house and when he opened the door, I was instantly turned off. His profile said he was "athletic and toned" and his picture showed a slim guy. In reality, he had a huge beer belly. (The turnoff being that now I didn't trust him because he lied, not the belly.)
We take his car to a local restaurant and I order on the cheap because I'm broke and I will be offering to pay for myself. I also had the emergency pager for work, so I couldn't really drink. Meanwhile, he ordered an appetizer, an entree, a bottle of wine, and dessert. He eats all of it PLUS my leftovers. When the bill comes, I say, 'Can I pitch in?' and he said, 'Sure! Let's split it!' I was too stunned to argue so my $13 ravioli cost me $50. Meanwhile, during the dinner conversation, he said no less than three times, 'I'm not gay,' casually amidst normal conversation. So now I know he's gay.
Then it comes out that his father is a conservative, well-respected minister. All the pieces fell together. Yet when he asked if I wanted to go next door and listen to music, I wanted to see how much worse it could get, so I said sure. He slammed drink after drink after drink and got completely wasted. He threw in several more 'I'm not gays' and then I had to drive his car back to his house because he was so drunk. He tried to kiss me, but I dodged it and escaped to my car.
I really hope that poor guy is out and proud now!" — A.F.
Socially Awkward Guy
"I was set up by a college professor of mine. Loved the professor and he talked this guy up a lot. Met the guy at a restaurant in DC for dinner and he was a dud. Boring, not at all good-looking, socially awkward, horrible table manners — you name it, it was awful.
About a half hour into the conversation, he asked what temple I belonged to. I told him, 'I'm Catholic' (I am, but I'm not in any way religious). He ended dinner quickly and basically told me he wasted my time because he only dated Jewish women. Never in my whole life have I been so happy to be Catholic!" — S.S.
More from CafeMom: 30 Bad Dates Stories That Will Turn You into a Nun
Love at First Sight
"My friend set me up on a blind date with a guy she used to work with. He is now my husband We will be celebrating our 10-year wedding anniversary this year. Our first date (blind date) was at a restaurant. I was soooooo nervous and was looking for a 'bald guy at the bar.' When I first walked in, I saw a bald guy hitting on a girl and was about to walk out and then I saw another bald guy at the other end of the bar. Our third date was in Hawaii — he flew me out after he was there for three days the Monday after our first date! The rest is history!" — L.A.
Under the Table
"I went on a blind date, set up by a coworker that I didn't know super well. I knew instantly that I was not into the guy but tried to be nice. We went to dinner and he had awful table manners and kept trying to stare down my shirt.
At one point, he was trying to steer the conversation to sex and I realized he was jacking off under the table. I've never left a restaurant so fast." — J.Y.
The One
"My first and only blind date went super well — we met in July and were married in August. That was 24 years and four kids ago!"
More from CafeMom: 15 Funniest & Shortest 'Worst Date" Stories We've Ever Heard
The Son
"My boss, who I love, set me up with his son. I knew, on some level, that saying yes was probably a bad idea and OH GOD was it. Turns out his son is a total pot head and asked me if I wanted to smoke up with him before going to a movie. I said no; he smoked and got super stoned so I had to drive. I should have just ended it there.
We went to the movies and Mr. Stoney forgot his wallet. So I had to buy the tickets. And then he wanted snacks, so that was another $30. It wasn't fun and it cost me over $50. Worst night ever." — C.R.
Whirlwind Romance
"I met my husband on a blind date! I just got out of a horrible relationship, and was venting to a good friend, who happened to be the girlfriend of my ex's (the one I just broke up with) brother. She had an ex, whom she had set up with a friend previously (and it went horribly), that she wanted to set me up with. I don't think she thought much would come of it, other than a rebound.
It took some convincing for her to get him to agree since the last setup went so badly, but our date at the Science Museum, which we laughed the whole way through, extended to drinks, and then extended to the Artists' Quarter for jazz and more drinks. Our second date was the next day, since we didn't want to wait a whole week and he was traveling for work Sundays through Thursdays at the time.
Needless to say, it was a success and a whirlwind romance. He actually went looking for engagement rings (I didn't find out until later) less than three months after our first date! We also found out that I was pregnant on our three-month anniversary." — T.G.
Cool Girl
"Right after I moved to Minnesota, a guy asked me out at a bar one night. We went out a couple times. We got to know each other well enough for him to impromptu call me one night to ask me to be his co-conspirator and go 'save' his friend who was on an 'awful blind date' at the Muddy Pig. We made a plan to pretend to just run into the guy randomly at the bar.
We get to the Muddy Pig and my date's friend was a semi-drunk asshat and was set up on a blind date with a gorgeous, smart, put-together woman. She and I immediately bonded over pop culture. We basically huddled in the booth together like little girls, and whispered to each other about shared love of Pete Yorn and grad school, and giggled over our OBVIOUSLY hilarious jokes. The two dudes stared balefully at us from across the booth.
Turned out SHE needed to be saved on her blind date, not the other way around. Best blind date I ever had. I never got her number because I was too new to Minnesota culture and too shy to ask her out on a friend date, but I think her name was Brooke. I wish I'd asked her for her number!" — W.G.
Thanks, Jackie!
"I lived with my cousin Jackie in grad school and she said there was a guy she knew from high school that she wanted to set me up with — but he had really ugly long hair and she wanted me to wait until he cut it. I dated someone else, and right as it ended, she said, 'I heard this guy cut his hair — you guys should go out on a date!'
For the record: I have nothing against long hair and told Jackie this!
When we talked on the phone before we met, he said, 'Jackie told me that you do Jazzercise, have big boobs, and aren't a slut.' Interesting description, Jackie? But apparently it caught his attention!
Our first date was a really fun dinner with a great server and good food. We then went to a club where a friend of his was playing in a band. I called and invited Jackie and she declined, but I later learned she and her boyfriend went and SPIED on us!
It was the BEST first date, the only blind date I've gone on, and 10 years later we've been married for six years and have a kid and a kitty!" — N.M.
The Accident
"I went on a blind date and it was a pretty basic dinner and drinks. The guy was nice enough, but I didn't feel any sparks. I probably wouldn't have ever seen him again, except that we got in a bad car accident as he was driving me home. We got hit by a drunk driver and both ended up in the hospital.
I was hurt worse than he was and he was there every day I was in the hospital and then came to check on me for weeks afterwards. After a while, I realized we were basically a couple. We ended up engaged before we even had a second date! He was just so caring and the accident gave me an accelerated glimpse of it." — J.G.
