From sharing the same values to treating one another with respect, plenty of nonnegotiables go into a healthy, long-term relationship. But you have nothing if you don't have trust. And it seems like one Redditor is questioning everything after her partner admitted he lied about his income.
The woman said she has been with her boyfriend for three years.
The couple lives together, and the the original poster has been under the impression that her boyfriend made $90,000, which is "around" what the OP makes. In turn, the pair has been splitting "most stuff evenly."
After three years, the boyfriend admitted yesterday that he "actually makes $150K and also has millions in inheritance."
"Now that doesn't in it of itself change how I feel about him, and I would still split stuff equally," noted the OP. "But the fact he hid something so big for 3 years? It made me pretty upset that he didn't trust me, even after moving in together."
When the woman became upset about his lying, her boyfriend accused her of overreacting.
He said that his nondisclosure of his income and assets "was just to protect himself."
The OP explained that she gave her boyfriend the silent treatment for a whole day leading up to dinner.
She wrote, "He told me again that I'm overreacting and that it's not a big deal." She then turned it over to the greater Am I the A–hole subreddit community to ask who is at fault.
The top commenter understood where the OP was coming from but also saw the boyfriend's point of view.
"I understand why you're upset — being lied to by someone you love, even if it's for a good reason, feels bad," the Redditor wrote. "But his actions make total sense. When you first met, YOU knew you were trustworthy — but he didn't. I'm sure you can understand why he chose to keep the fact he is very wealthy a secret from you in the beginning. And it's not like you found out by accident. He actively decided that he does trust you now and chose to tell you. Sure, maybe he should have told you sooner in an ideal world, but he trusts you now and is telling you now."
Another commenter agreed, writing: "Money makes a lot of people go nutty. Obviously he has experienced this before. He trusts you and wants to share his secret with you. You are not the only one he hid this from. Look at all the posts from people who unexpectedly get a windfall or make a lot of money and 'friends' and family use them or expect them to support them. It's not unreasonable for him to want to protect himself."
But quite a few others couldn't understand why the boyfriend would have lied for three years.
"Dude I can agree with his savings, but there is no real justification for hiding the salary," one commenter noted. "It's not like his salary was going to make him a millionaire, and it is beyond s—-y to move in with someone and still lie about how much you're making. He's not an a–hole for hiding the inheritance, but he is definitely an a–hole for hiding the salary for that long."
Another noted, "His keeping it to himself is understandable in the beginning, but three years, moving in together, and presumably working towards a future together, he deliberately kept up a ruse meant to keep his GF in the dark. But that's not (entirely) what makes him the a–hole."
A couple of people thought the OP might actually be overreacting.
"While he shouldn't have lied necessarily, his inheritance isn't any of your business, and you are blowing this way out of proportion," noted one Redditor.
A second on the same bandwagon shared: "I assume that just was his gold digger protection. Sharing costs equally is a fair way to do in a relationship, and even if you now know how much he has, it's still his to spend as he likes."
Ultimately, this disagreement only goes to show just how touchy money matters can be in relationships.
While personal financial details might be tough to divulge, the main takeaway here seems that, at least in the case of a serious relationship, it could never hurt to communicate. But keeping your lips zipped might drive your angry partner to Reddit.
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