I have problem armpits.
They grow dark, course hair like weeds, they're constantly bumpy and irritated from shaving, and they've always been visibly discolored with a tinge of yellow-green. They bug the crap out of me, and they frequently prevent me from wearing tank tops, even in the scorching summers.
So when I heard a spa near me had a short-term solution to all these problems just in time for spring, I jumped at the chance to potentially rid my pits of their many issues.
That solution? Basically a facial. For my armpits.
What does that entail? Follow me on a very strange (and ticklish) journey to see for yourself.
For my "facial," I went to Haven Spa in downtown Manhattan.
See a full list of its services here.
This lavish-as-hell spot offers a unique $60 treatment called the Peach Pit, which is specifically designed to nix ingrown armpit hairs.
It has a slew of other benefits, though.
The service itself is pretty simple and only takes about 15 minutes. It's a simple scrub down followed by an acid peel that's designed to smooth, soothe, and treat discoloration of the skin.
Before anything happened to my armpits, I had to disrobe, change into this rather charming boob-kerchief, and cocoon myself in blankets.
As my specialist placed a fluffy towel wrap around my hair, I could already tell this was going to be the weirdest beauty thing I'd ever done.
And I was right — her first step was to look at my armpits in a magnifying glass and inspect my ingrown hairs ~up close~.
You don't realize how intimate your armpits actually are until you have someone's face just inches from them… with a light-powered magnifying glass… and ruffling your pit hair. This was going to require some real personal space adjustment on my end.
I was immediately caught off guard when my specialist started massaging my armpits with cleanser.
But by the time she rubbed on the peach-scented exfoliating scrub, I was sold.
This scrub isn't dissimilar from the sugar-based body scrubs you can find at your local beauty and drugstores. Consider using one on your armpits before you shave next time you're in the shower as an added bump precaution.
Once I got over the absurdity of having a stranger touch me in such a weird spot, I realized how stressed I'd been all week and gave in to relaxation.
A massage is a massage, after all.
But that relaxation was cut short when my specialist pulled out a needle to hand-pick ingrown hairs. NO ONE warned me about this step.
But thankfully, all I felt were a couple of dull scrapes — nothing too painful. In fact, Haven offers this exact same treatment for the bikini area.
The bikini facial, aka the vajacial, aka the Peach Smoothie, also costs $60 and takes 15 minutes. It's one of Haven's most popular treatments during warmer seasons, and I'm 100% going back for one later.
Finally, it was time for the main event — the acid peel.
Acid peels are a core part of facials due to their ability to even out skin tone and texture — why no one thought to apply them to the armpits before now is beyond me.
My specialist told me that in order for me to see extreme improvement in the discoloration department, I'd have to have one of these applied to my armpits semi-frequently.
That being said, I did leave the salon feeling like the naturally yellow tint underneath my arms had faded slightly, which I counted as a huge victory.
The acid peel only needs seconds to take effect, so this step was extremely short.
At the end of it all, my specialist turned off the lights, and just let me rest by myself for a few long, silent minutes.
This was the only quiet time I'd had to myself with zero distraction in… I couldn't even tell you how long.
I won't lie, getting myself off of the spa table and back to real life was difficult, but I left feeling oddly refreshed and way more relaxed than when I came.
Admittedly, I am a very high-strung person. I barley even know how to relax my hands and feet enough for a mani-pedi, let alone a legitimate massage. But the fact that this process is entirely focused on a part of the body that's widely ignored unless you're a 12-year-old boy with a penchant for fart noises forced me to drop all of my weird personal issues and just let myself be pampered for a while.
After the Peach Pit, I not only noticed an immediate difference in my armpit skin, but I *finally* understood the value of paying for relaxation. I rarely allow myself to spend money on experiences over tangible items — and I NEVER actively make time for "relaxation" because I've never been good at sitting still and clearing my thoughts. But now I get it.
Moral of the story? It's not always your face, your hands, or your feet that need a little TLC. Sometimes it's the last body part you'd expect.
Shaving my armpits had never been as smooth as it was after this treatment, and now I'm contemplating all the other parts of my body that could benefit from a solid scrub and peel.
So, about that Peach Smoothie treatment…
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