Marriage is a lovely thing; to have someone with you along the journey of life can be very comforting. It's not always easy with sunshine, roses, and breakfasts in bed, though. Sometimes we hit bumps along the way, especially during the hard parts of parenting and life, and leaning on our family is one way we can get through these tough times. The first year of parenthood, the death of a family member, or struggling through financial issues are hard, so having someone in our corner cheering us on and giving us grace can go a long way. No marriage is perfect, and one person took to Reddit to seek advice after a loss in the family threw her world upside down. Not necessarily because of a death, but a secret that was revealed after the fact.
A wife took to Reddit to get support and advice on a situation that happened at home.
Posting to Reddit's Relationship Advice forum, a woman needed support, and the community rallied behind her. Sharing her story, the wife began with a bit of a backstory. "My husband’s cousin recently was killed in a car accident three weeks ago," she shared. "This has made my husband visibly depressed and a lot less like himself lately."
Trying to help her grieving husband, she wanted to show her support with a dinner. "Tonight when I got home from work he had our two kids go spend the night at his mother’s place and had made us dinner," she shared.
"After dinner he sat me down and told me that I needed to prepare myself for what he was going to say."
Taking a deep breath, the wife was then blindsided by a secret her husband had been keeping for years.
And boy, was it a big secret. "He then proceeded to tell me about his affair," the wife revealed. "To sum some things up he essentially had been doing sexual things with his cousin since she 'seduced' him when she [was] 13 and he was 16," she added.
These "sexual activities went on through their adulthood up until he started to date me. After we got married things didn’t happen between him or his cousin until around 4 years into our marriage when she supposedly convinced him to continue their sexual activities on the side," she shared.
"We’ve been married for a little over 15 years for context. This has continued up until 3 weeks ago as you can imagine."
So, the affair has been going on for 11 years. Eleven.
According to the wife, her husband said she could "take it as [she] will."
"He’ll accept anything I choose to do considering our marriage," she wrote. "His cousin apparently was a lot more than just some sex fling."
The wife was taken aback by this news. Not just the cousin aspect, but the fact that her husband was having an affair, too.
"I’ve never would have expected my husband to be cheating," she wrote. "He never did anything that would give it red flags like coming in late or leaving hair of another woman around."
She's not sure what to do in this situation and was hoping Reddit users could offer some advice.
"I’m at a standstill and not sure where to go from here. I haven’t been able to say anything to him after he was so blunt about it," she wrote. "I’m still crying some now, I don’t know where to go from where."
"I'm pretty sure you're posting this here for permission to GTFO. So here goes; it's OK to leave him. Get the h–l out of there," one person replied. "Had he been caught back then, he would have been charged with sex with a minor and have a lifetime record as a sexual offender. Throw the entire guy in the bin."
"He married you because he couldn’t have her," another person pointed out. "He’s not the guy you married. You need to respect yourself enough to kick him out of your life."
"I don't think this marriage can saved. Those are a lot of years of deception and with a family member," wrote another Reddit user. "My advice: Tell him to leave immediately. Plan a co-parenting schedule. Divorce, get the house for you and your children. Don't let him take anymore than he has already took from you, years of your life."
The wife posted a follow-up on Reddit's Relationship Advice community to update those who commented on her situation.
"I want to first say that I [appreciate] all of the support I’ve received after posting my first post," the wife wrote in her follow-up. "I have thought a lot on the suggestions that I’ve been given and decided to go forward on some.
"I’ve talked with my mother about the situation and she’s agreed to take in my children until this situation is dealt with," she wrote. "I’ve also approached my husband about divorced and put my demands about wanting full custody of our children as well as the house and other things. He hasn’t put up a fight regarding any of those and has agreed to it."
The wife explained that this has been really hard. She's looking toward finalizing a divorce, and her mother suggested keeping "the real reasoning of our divorce away from our children as long as possible, especially my eldest daughter," who is only 14.
"I again want to express that I really appreciate all of the helpful comments and suggestions. Thank you all for the support," she added.
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