Horrifyingly, we are now forced to acknowledge the possibility that Donald Trump may actually be our next president, and Melania our First Lady.
Though we know where we stand on Donald Trump, Melania remains a bit of a mystery. Despite her impressive resume — she has degrees in architecture and design, had a successful modeling career, and has launched jewelry and beauty lines — she hasn't really been around much during her husband's campaign. So we were forced to turn to her verified social media accounts to learn more about her.
And do you know what we learned? Melania wants to be a style blogger.
Like, BADLY.
Observe the proof.
She's mastered the fashion-girl coat drape and slightly off-center stance. But the lighting needs work.
She tries to get into the blogger-approved outfit triptych — but doesn't seem to realize you have to get the size and proportion the same in each image.
Like every "cool girl," she LOVES a good conspicuous display of wealth.
As in, REALLY conspicuous.
NEXT LEVEL conspicuous. Just in case you've forgotten, she flies PRIVATE.
Like every girl aspiring to eat yogurt on the steps of the Met with Blair, she loves flowers.
Like, so much.
Seriously, SO GODDAMN MUCH.
One could say that it might be a better use of International Women's Day to talk to her husband about his shitty treatment of women, but that's none of my business *sips tea*
The getting-ready "candid" is a blogger staple. But turning the flash off is usually a good move.
Melania also loves photographing her food. But what, no sanctimonious food-related hashtags?
Oh wait, there they are, #organic. Because GOD FORBID she eat a non-organic, store-bought pizza.
Like every good style blogger, she photoshops ONLY her own face in pictures.
To be fair, if you tried to use FaceTune on Donald Trump, your phone would probably burst into flames.
And posts a lot of #casual #bikini photos. What is this angle, tho?
Like every aspiring street style star, Melania lives to post pictures of her home.
Does this not look like somewhere a French king died?
As an aside, OF COURSE this is what the Trump family home looks like.
What is the opposite of decor goals?
She loves a good outfit selfie in the mirror.
But the lighting is never right.
She tries to master the Eva Chen sitting-in-the-car outfit and accessory photo.
No.
NO.
Yes, this is a photo of her Chanel bag and expensive sunglasses... on a funeral program.
Melania often tries to post paparazzi photos of herself and Donald Trump, buuuuuut... SPRING FOR A GETTY SUBSCRIPTION. YOU CAN AFFORD IT.
So here's to our Future First Lady dot Wordpress dot com.
May she continue to attempt to be cool with awkward iPhone 5 photos.
