In a Funk?
Outsource When Possible
P.S.: You're not getting bonus points for doing it all on your own. And if you are trying to do it all, you're probably feeling pretty drained and frustrated by now. Be it a friend or a life coach, having an outsider look at your load and see ways they can offer support or help you handle it more efficiently will instantly alleviate stress. "Every mom is different and you have to learn to tell the truth about how much time you want to be doing mommy duty each day," says Gerber. "It's not developmentally appropriate for adults to play on a kid's level, that's why it often feels like a job—and for many—it is a paid job. If you design your day for when you're 'on' for your kids and when you're not and really stick to it, you will regain your sanity."
Trade-Off
You chose your partner for a reason, so use them wisely. Gerber's favorite trick, especially on the weekends, is to divvy up time with her partner so that one is accountable for the kids while the other one is completely free of kid duty. "It's a common misperception that everyone in the family should hang out together all the time," says Gerber. Make meal time the exception that brings everyone back together. Of course, the kid-free time goes both ways, so make sure you are able to go do something without having to haul around the kids.
Make Time for Fun
While the first step toward breaking out of the mom funk is likely some self-care, a close second is some quality mom-and-kids time. The key funk-free zone is to find opportunities where mom can do an activity she enjoys while the kids do activities they enjoy as well. And it's important to note that it doesn't necessarily have to be a shared activity. For example, Mom can read while the kids paint or play. During these seemingly individual activities, you can listen to music together or break to have a snack. This way, everyone gets to do whatever they consider to be fun and still spend special, shared time together.
Flirt a Little
When mom funk hits, chances are your relationship isn't benefiting much from it. An easy way to pull you both out of a funk? Some good, old-fashioned flirting, says Gerber. It will boost your partner's ego while making you feel confident and sexy in the process. And it gets you in the habit of looking for the qualities you want to see more of. In addition to flirting, some other good rut-breaking ideas include: lighting a candle, planning a romantic evening, wearing something cute to bed or just caring about how his day was. "It's so simple and we pretend it's so complicated," says Zander.
Schedule Time to Recharge
Finding time to nourish yourself is a must, whether that means working out or grabbing lunch with a friend. But it can't just be an afterthought. It needs to be intentionally scheduled at the beginning of each week just as you would schedule appointments or meetings, and it's up to you to make sure it happens. Try to make it the same time each day or week so the family automatically knows that Mom is "booked" from 6 to 7 a.m. or whatever times you allocate for yourself. Gerber's own rule is to have an hour to herself every day and three hours on the weekends. If you put this into the "if I have time" category, it will never happen.
Really Listen
Being engaged in the moment is a simple yet effective way to pull yourself out of rumination. It's also a good way to better connect with the important people in your life. Being present will help eradicate your own funk while ensuring your family feels cared for in the process. "Listening is a high form of respect and most people are stunned by how good it makes them feel and appreciate it a lot," says Gerber. "With our kids, we often think doing for them or teaching them is our most important role when listening is just as important."
