“Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart.” – Pinterest (obviously)
'Tis the season to give thanks, right? Sometimes, this time of year, I like to make a list of all the things I’m grateful for just to remind myself how blessed I am. There are the usual suspects on the list: family, friends, home and health. But then there are the little-but-not-so-little things that only an exhausted mom could be grateful for.
Drive-Thru Anything
My Minivan
I always made fun of people who got pregnant and then immediately traded in their perfectly good car for a minivan. I mean, is there a more unattractive vehicle? I think not! But then I became the hypocrite of hypocrites. I now drive that ugly piece of shit with pride and don’t care that it kills my “cool mom” vibe because:
A: I can walk from the front seat to the back end to retrieve my daughter’s binkie without ever exiting my vehicle.
B: I can collapse all seven seats and put an air mattress in there if I need to escape my family for the evening.
C: The doors open with the push of a freaking button, people!
YouTube Kids
Thanks to a combined effort of this channel and strategic amounts of Nick Jr. and Sprout, my children have given me countless hours of piece and quiet. (Plus, how else are they supposed to learn their colors, shapes, animals, numbers, letters and sounds?)
My Cordless Vacuum
How sad does one have to be to request a Black & Decker cordless vacuum for her birthday? But let me tell all of you haters out there who think that jewelry or a facial would be a better gift: THIS MACHINE CLEANS UP EVERYTHING. I’m not just talking a few under-table crumbs after dinner. I use that thing to clean off my counters, my dining room table, my curtains, couches and often my children when they’ve just finished a baked good.
The 'Fluff' Setting on My Dryer
I love throwing all the clothes that seem to endlessly multiply in the wash. For just a moment, everything is tidy and right in the world. Even transferring the clothes over to the dryer is relatively painless. The real issue comes when they are dry. I mean, what to do now?
I like to play a little game with myself called Pretend They’re Not Done. This game is easy to play and involves this internal dialogue: “Self, you have all those clothes sitting in the dryer to fold. They’ve been there long enough that they’re probably all wrinkled. You should probably just 'fluff' them to get those wrinkles out.” Then I proceed to repeat this a dozen times — or until people have taken necessary clothes out of dryer to wear and the dryer is therefore empty.
Baby Wipes
Baby wipes are like the one man band of momdom. I buy these bad boys by the literal truckload for thousands of purposes including, but not limited to: washing my hands after a diaper change, de-boogering my children, wiping dog poop off my shoe, detailing my car, giving myself a quick refresh when I forget deodorant, cleaning my baby’s binky, swiffering my floors, dusting my TV, cleaning the gunk out of my computer keyboard, de-germing my phone and removing my three-day-old makeup. Oh yeah—and wiping my baby’s butt.
Dry Shampoo
Do people really wash their hair with water anymore?
