I can’t remember the last time I felt ahead of the game. I think it was right before I became pregnant — which also happens to coincide with the last time I got a full night’s sleep. I certainly haven’t felt “with it” this year. The frenzied pace and ever-shifting expectations of 2020 find me putting milk in the dishwasher and dirty dishes in the refrigerator.
I'm stuck in a hectic loop convincing myself I've totally got this
2020 has stuck me right back in this strange space
Like those first months with my infant, I’m never alone and always on call. If I try to sneak in “mom time” it’s passed over for homework time, or dinner time, or my own work time. If my kid’s newborn phase taught me anything, it was to listen to those misplaced emotional nudges. If left ignored, they’ll only grow bigger until I burn out.
During the demanding newborn stage, I found coping strategies to support myself. I’ve dusted off these same methods today — like asking my husband to take over so I can walk alone outside (even in the cold). Taking my own time-outs to indulge in quite time staring at the wall or listening to an audiobook allows my brain time decompress from going over daily responsibilities. This helps me step out of the fray and feel less overwhelmed.
This year has been a lot of things
And while I’m still sorting all those things out, I already know I’ve learned once again that I’m at the ready to help my family, but not always there to help myself. It’s a recurring theme in my life as a mom. The thing I forget is, taking time for me not only helps me stay grounded and emotionally balanced, but also keeps my family connected. And that — I’ve totally got.
