Our lives rarely change quite as much as they do when we become parents — especially for the first time. No matter how long you've been together and how great things between you are, your relationship after baby will change, and sometimes not for the better. It makes sense if you find yourself in an unhappy marriage after baby; now that you have a child, you're a different person, and so is your partner — not to mention the fact that you're both operating in a more stressful environment with less sleep.
Want to avoid fighting with your partner after baby, or looking for tips on how to stop the fights now that you're in the thick of the challenges that parenting a newborn brings? Here's what you need to know.
Why you might fight after baby
How to keep your relationship after baby healthy
Once baby has arrived, you can continue with healthy relationship habits that will ensure you can tackle any issues that come up with ease.
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Keep communication open.
Be willing to hear each other out when you disagree, even if your partner is saying things you might not want to hear. Both of your feelings matter, and immediately after a new baby, there are probably going to be a lot of them! -
Make self-care a priority.
Giving each other the chance to do something for you, like taking a long, interrupted shower, watching a movie by yourself in the bedroom, or even leaving the house to see a friend for a couple of hours, will improve your relationship, too.
“New parents should add a category to the conversation: ‘How are we going to have self-care? How are we each going to take care of ourselves?’” family therapist Tracy Ross told Healthline. -
Make sure you're both getting enough sleep.
When we're tired, everything is worse, including our moods and the fights we might have. To avoid the nastiest ramifications of sleep deprivation in new parents, make sure you're giving each other the opportunity to get in at least a few consecutive hours of sleep, even if that means caring for baby in shifts. -
Learn how to communicate with your husband or partner without fighting.
This means using statements that focus on how you feel without placing blame on your partner. Remember: You're a team working toward the common goal of keeping your baby alive. They're not the enemy! -
Remember this phase in your relationship is temporary.
You won't be in the thick of the newborn phase forever; you and your partner will eventually settle into your roles as parents, and with it will come a new routine, more sleep, and less stress.
"Your relationship is not an air plant, and if you don’t devote even a small amount of time to it, it will wither. I had grown so childcentric that my motivation to stop fighting was about our daughter, but I now see that Tom is the ally I didn’t know I had," mom Jancee Dunn wrote of her husband for Self.
When you're in the weeds of new parenthood, it can seem like there's no light at the end of the tunnel. But there is, even if you can't see it. Your marriage isn't ruined — in fact, if you can work through this, what can't you conquer as a couple?
