Allyson Felix won a gold medal in the the 4×400 meter relay at the Tokyo Olympics on Saturday — her 11th Olympic medal — surpassing Carl Lewis as the most decorated U.S. track and field athlete of all time. She does so in the face of doubters who thought that at the age of 35, and after giving birth to daughter Camryn two years ago, she wouldn’t be able to compete at an Olympic level. She proved them wrong.
Among those who never doubted her were her family, who have always been her biggest supporters. I’ve known Allyson’s mother, Marlean, for many years — not as the parent of an Olympic track and field star, but as the close, lifelong friend of my late sister. They worked side by side as teachers at the beginning of their careers in education, and remained friends for over 40 years. Marlean was there with my sister during one of her last days, and watching them, I remember being in awe of their deep and enduring friendship.
We reconnected recently and reflected on our shared grief; Marlean lost her own beloved sister recently. But there was also joy in our conversation, as Allyson was headed to Tokyo to compete in her fifth Olympics. Marlean spoke to me about juggling family life and parenting an Olympian, how their faith is paramount, and how her daughter’s determination and courage caused Nike to make changes in how they treated pregnant athletes.
"We made every effort to support her as a family"
"Helping our children to separate their identity and worth from their athletic performances is essential"
When I spoke with Marlean, Simone Biles had just dropped out of several gymnastics events at the Tokyo Olympics to focus on her mental health, and it was on the heels of Naomi Osaka opening up about her own mental health struggles. Marlean shared her thoughts on how parents can ensure their young athletes focus on their emotional well-being.
Mental health is certainly an important matter and has been brought even more to the forefront in recent years. Helping our children to separate their identity and worth from their athletic performances is essential.
Often times, athletes measure their success as an individual only through the lens of their success as an athlete. As Christians, we believe our identity is found in Jesus Christ and in our faith. This transcends sports and will sustain and ground an individual beyond the short lifetime of their sport. It also frees a person up from feeling they are worthless when they are unable to reach certain athletic goals and accomplishments. Embracing this truth has been critical for our daughter’s perspective on her relationship to her sport.
Having open, ongoing conversations that invite young athletes to share their inner thoughts, insecurities, and challenges along the way would also be extremely helpful. This allows parents to monitor and manage thoughts when they begin to take on unhealthy characteristics. Getting ahead of potential issues that can spiral into larger ones is very important… Once small concerns multiply within the young athlete, it is much more difficult to peel back the layers and determine what is at the heart of their deep mental and emotional struggles.
"It must be what the athlete has chosen, not what was forced upon them"
Finally, and with apologies for posing the most cliché of interview questions, I asked Marlean for advice she could give to other parents who are raising aspiring Olympians.
Allowing your young athlete to have fun in their pursuit of their Olympic dream is imperative. While a serious athlete must be determined, committed, and willing to have a crazy work ethic, it should be their dream and not the dream of their parents. Allyson has always loved what she does, which made her have fun and desire to continue. It was totally her decision to go down this path. She was willing to take on the insane hours of practice in order to reach her highest potential.
It is my conviction that when parents force their children to pursue an athletic career, demanding that they embrace the extreme work ethic, resentment and bitterness can be the result. While the process is at times difficult, painful, lonely, disappointing, joyful, and exhilarating, it must be what the athlete has chosen, not what was forced upon them.
Equally important, parents need to learn how to support their young athletes. Young athletes need to be supported, physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially. This kind of support communicates love and puts young athletes in a better position to reach their maximum potential in their athletic endeavors.
Author’s note: Our conversation took place before Allyson competed in her Olympic events in Tokyo. I sent Marlean a congratulatory note with plans to meet up soon, where we’ll celebrate Allyson’s historic wins — and say a toast to both of our sisters.
