No more family faux pas
A gift for your hosts
A small gift for your host is appropriate, and it doesn't need to be something for the holiday meal you're sharing. Even if they tell you not to worry about bringing a gift, don't show up empty-handed. Wine, chocolates or flowers are great standby gifts to give and makes it look as if you went the extra mile. A dessert they can enjoy after everyone has left or a coffee cake for breakfast is also a thoughtful gesture.
Rules for bringing flowers
If you bring flowers, consider that small potted plants are less pressure and hassle for the host because cut flowers mean they've got to find a vase while they're still trying to make gravy. For cut flowers, shorter arrangements already in a vase are best because they can be added as a centerpiece to the table, there's no extra work in finding a vase and they won't be too tall to block people from seeing each other while they talk over dinner.
Ask about a dress code
Your own family might roll up to the Thanksgiving table in casual mode, but don't assume it's cool to wear sweatpants at someone else's holiday meal. Even if your host has no established dress code, they'll appreciate you asking so you're not under- or overdressed. If they offer no guidelines in the form of something like, "Come in what you're comfortable in," err on the side of dressed up rather than dressed down.
Food allergies vs. preferences
If you have a dietary restriction that the host isn't familiar with, let them know in advance. Food allergies are important to share with the host, but the fact that you aren't eating bread right now because you're trying out a gluten-free lifestyle? Not so much. It comes down to safety rather than preference. If, for example, you can't eat dairy, bring something you can eat and share, and let the host know in advance so they don't feel like you're stepping on their toes.
Steer clear of the kitchen
You know that saying about too many cooks in the kitchen? Of course, offer to help if your host is open to it. But hosting can be stressful, and the last thing you want to do is make anything more difficult by crowding them or cramping their style. Stay out of the kitchen unless you're helping, or at least stay out of the way if you're keeping them company in that busy space.
Cook everything in advance
If you're contributing a hot side dish, confirm you can use the kitchen if you have to reheat something. Be prepared to let the host know how long something needs to be reheated and how—and be prepared to figure out an alternative in case they have very limited options. As a rule of thumb, always cook your dish before you arrive to the host's home. Don't commandeer their kitchen to put together your pie when they're still trying to finish cooking for everyone.
