Sanity Check
Make a Game Plan
While the holidays might mean a lapse in scheduling to some, sticking to an agenda is a guaranteed sanity-saver. Start with a family meeting where you'll create a chore chart and assign various responsibilities over the holidays. (For example, if you're hosting a holiday party, have one of your kids be in charge of answering the door and taking coats while the other is in charge of taking photos.) If you're going on vacation or visiting other family during the holidays, have each person (kids included) voice the one or two things that would make the trip most enjoyable for them. Then, devise a loose plan that will include everyone's top picks, says Gerber. When everyone is being heard and everyone has a specific role in the process, the holidays will feel much less stressful.
Anticipate Your "Pitfalls"
No one knows what irks your sanity better than you, so stop saying yes to whatever will push you over the edge. "Do your own inventory and find your pitfalls," says Zander. "Do you say yes to too many events or try to do all the cleaning yourself? Keep the stuff you love and outsource the rest." Also, break down your to-do list items into categories such as shopping, prepping, cooking, décor and cleaning. If prepping, cooking and decor are your favorite activities, focus on those and then hire personal shopping and cleaning services. Or if you're on a budget, divide these tasks among the family.
Don't Suffer Alone
Though you certainly deserve it, you're not winning any medals for prepping, cooking and hosting the holidays all on your own. And yet, we rarely ask for help. That said, be honest about how much you like taking on the burden, says Gerber. "There is a tendency in moms, especially during the holidays to play the martyr. You decide you 'have to' be doing all of it—attending events, gift buying, wrapping, shlepping, serving, making parties—but you end up resenting everyone and burning or lashing out." Zander calls it needing a "vacation from your generosity." "If you are going to be generous, it has to truly be generous, which means you can't do it all and you can't do everything yourself," she says.
Focus on the Vibe
Forget stressing over the menu or whether your dishes are festive enough. If there's one thing to focus on, it's the overall vibe. When the atmosphere is fun and the conversations are lively, that will be the biggest takeaway for all of your guests, says Zander. For starters, focus your energy on making sure the group meshes well. That means being selective when creating the guest list or determining interests your guests share in common so that you can incorporate those details into the introductions.
Pre-Problem Solve
While you may not be able to fully control your guests' behavior, you can certainly take measures to control what you can. For example, set up designated drivers in advance if you know certain family members will fight about drinking. Don't seat quibbling guests near one another. And, most importantly, "design" how you want the conversations to go, says Zander. Decide on conversation topics or activities that will bring out the best in your guests. "That way the issues that usually come up are crowded out by meaningful conversation and fun," she says.
Get Creative
There's nothing like a few bored children to dampen the holiday spirit (and wear thin on your sanity). Gerber suggests finding an activity that everyone, kids included, can participate in at your holiday events. One of her favorites is to have everyone pick a "fortune" from a grab bag that predicts what the next year will have in store for them. Not only will it encourage some imaginative conversations, it can be a catalyst for some lovely memories as the entire family talks and laughs together.
