Even if you’ve never heard the term default parenting, you’ve likely seen it in practice. It’s when your kids bypass their dad and head straight to you to have their needs met. Or when you have to ask their dad if he will watch the kids before you can leave the house. You’re the one scheduling doctor’s appointments, checking school folders, and ensuring vitamins are refilled when they get low.
From small details to the major dealings of parenting, as a mom, you’re expected to handle it without question.
That is default parenting. It’s what’s causing moms to be overly stressed, resent their partners, and sometimes have an overall negative parenting experience. But it doesn’t have to be this way. That’s why it’s time to say goodbye to the concept of default parenting.
What is Default Parenting Syndrome?
How to change the default parenting structure
Dr. Thornton recommends you do these three things on the path to developing a healthier parenting style:
- Think of yourself as more than a mom: When you see yourself beyond your role as a parent, you’ll realize your value doesn’t rest in what you do for your kids and the household. As you add more titles behind your name (friend, runner, artist, entrepreneur, moviegoer, etc.), you’ll realize the importance of making time for those things. It’ll then require you to stop putting parenting above everything else.
- Share your needs with your partner: You must openly discuss the changes you desire. It’ll take a joint effort to change your current parenting structure.
- Seek outside support: Sometimes, you don’t have the tools to restructure your parenting plan together. That’s when you want to seek help outside of your household. That could include talking to friends and family, but it could require family or relationship counseling.
Although being the default parent can be challenging, you don’t have to settle. It’ll take some mindset shifts and challenging conversations, but you and your partner can develop a better parenting plan.
