It was a normal afternoon about four years ago. The sun was shining, and puffy clouds raced across the springtime sky. I was driving home from work, listening to the local music station since my phone adapter had quit working a couple of weeks before, preventing me from enjoying my usual Pandora stations.
“Next up,” the DJ informed me, “we have ‘Kiss Me’ by Sixpence None the Richer.”
As the first few chords of the song came through the speakers, I felt my heart drop and my stomach churn
For a long time, I denied that I had been groomed and preyed on
I blamed myself for being gullible and thought that since I wanted his attention that it didn’t count as a trauma. But once I realized it, I was able to see how this had impacted my future relationships, preventing me from getting close. It was still informing how I interacted with my husband. I knew I needed to get help.
I’d done traditional therapy before, but I heard about a treatment called EMDR or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. I was able to find a therapist who specializes in EMDR treatment and began my treatments. She warned me that addressing this trauma was going to be hard, and it would dredge up pain I had buried long ago.
I found that EMDR was like re-breaking a bone that had healed improperly
It initially caused a lot of agony, but it had to be done in order for me to move on correctly. Now, when that song comes on the radio, I still change it, but my body doesn’t do the things it used to. I am able to stay in the present moment, content in the knowledge that what happened to me doesn’t have the power to disrupt me like it used to.
My trauma will always be a part of me, but I am now finally healing.
