When my first child was 4 days old, I took him over to a friend’s house for a visit. It felt wonderful to get out of the house for a bit even though I was so tired I didn’t know what day it was.
As we sat on the sofas across from each other, she insisted that my sleeping son, who was in his portable car seat, be on her side of the room. “I want to see him,” she said. I’d already asked her not to pick him up because I didn’t want to risk waking him up.
The anxiety started building in my chest
This was almost 20 years ago, and I didn’t know what was wrong with me but I knew it was something
I wasn’t sad or depressed, but I worried all the time and had horrible thoughts about something happening to him. When I talked about it with other people, I got a lot of lectures about how I had to “cut the cord.” I never asked my doctor about it because I felt embarrassed and ashamed, and I thought maybe I was just too overprotective.
I know now that I had postpartum anxiety (PPA)
PPA is a condition that causes you to worry, fidget, have racing thoughts, and can disrupt your sleep. It most commonly occurs in women right after they give birth and can last for up to a year.
PPA is more common than postpartum depression (PPD), but we know less about it.
It’s important to recognize the difference between PPA and PPD
According to Everymom.com, “While PPA and PPD can manifest in similar ways, the main difference is that PPA is characterized by intense levels of worry, and PPD is overwhelming sadness and possible thoughts of self-harm or harming your baby.”
As a mother of three who experienced PPA with each child and feels it never completely goes away (I have three teenagers), my advice is to not do what I did and stay quiet because you feel you are abnormal. You are not.
PPA and PPD can happen to anyone
If you are feeling like you have a mood disorder of any kind, you must talk to a medical professional who can help you. There’s no need to suffer or keep your feelings to yourself.
Document your thoughts and feelings by writing them down. Talk to your partner and ask for support.
Just because the baby blues affects about 80% of new moms, it doesn’t mean you need to try to push through it if you think there’s something more serious going on. Reach out for help.
