I grew up immersed in Christian purity culture, which when you boil it down to its essence, says that women hate sex and men are constantly hungry for it. Thanks to this toxic mindset, I always figured that my sex aversion was typical. Didn’t all women hate sex? I got married really young, mostly so that I could have sex without worrying about getting pregnant out of wedlock.
But even in my early 20s, sex was a chore
After researching sexless marriages, I stumbled upon the description for asexuality
I had heard the term “ace” before but wasn’t quite sure what it meant. In case you didn’t know, it’s short for asexuality, wherein a person does not experience sexual desire.
That’s when I realized that I wasn’t abnormal. That there are plenty of other asexual people around. (There’s even a flag for asexuality). There’s a whole spectrum of asexuality, and after finding my people, I felt so much more seen.
Now I hug my partner more because I know it won’t lead to anything sexual. We can snuggle on the couch with our pizza and movie and I can just relax into it without worrying that he’ll want to do something later.
In short, I’m a better partner now that I know more about who I really am
I just wish it hadn’t taken so long for me to figure it out. It doesn’t help that so many people think that a “healthy sex life” is key to a happy marriage.
Because for some of us, a healthy sex life means no sex at all.
