I waited about three years to become a mom for the first time. My husband and I had been married about four years when I got sicker and sicker. It took well over a year until I was appropriately diagnosed — on death’s door — with Type 1 diabetes, an autoimmune disease with no cure. We knew we wanted to have children, but all of a sudden, we weren’t sure how we would build our family. Pregnancy can be dangerous for a Type 1 diabetic.
We decided that we would adopt, but of course, you can’t "just adopt"
I also believe there are times in life when we should suck it up
It’s like when my kids’ have a school program. I think they are painstakingly boring. (Yes, I said it.) However, I show up, clap, and take pictures, because it’s my mom duty — and because I love my kids. I also believe that if an event — like a baby shower — is going to leave you sobbing or stewing, you can politely decline to attend. A truly good family member or friend will understand and support you in your self-care.
Make sure, if you are in a place where you need to decline a baby shower invite, that you are doing the work to heal. Therapy is one of the best ways to work through tough situations and circumstances. Make sure you have a supportive network of friends and family. Journaling, exercise, meditation, and religious rituals can all bring about healing. There are medications to help with anxiety, depression, and trauma disorders.
Don’t gaslight yourself and all that you’ve been through
You might even still be in the middle of your difficult situation. Instead of practicing denial or trying to push through the pain, step into it. If you feel you should decline an invitation, do so. In fact, by saying “no, thanks,” you may be just one step closer to healing.
