I grew up in the clutches of early-2000s Christian purity culture.
At age 16, my parents gave me a purity ring. I signed a pledge that I would not have sex before marriage.
Little did my parents know that I was already chewed-up gum, and you would not believe the guilt that crushed me as I signed that paper.
Family regularly told me to “save myself for marriage,” that my body would become a gift for my husband once I got married.
I’m only just now realizing how shattering that mindset has been to my sexuality and, yes, my marriage.
So when I saw Candace Cameron Bure’s defense of her recent Instagram photo of her husband grabbing her breast, I wanted to vomit.
“He can touch me anytime he wants, and I hope he does,” she said. “This is what a healthy, good marriage and relationship is all about.”
I disagree with all my heart
And that, Candace Cameron Bure, is how it should be
No one should ever have unfettered access to someone else’s body.
Ever.
No one should make their partner feel guilty for saying no.
Ever.
During a sexual act, each person should understand that the touching can stop at any moment if that is what the other partner requests.
Full stop. No guilt. That’s it.
And that is what I’ll be teaching my kids, because that’s what a healthy, good marriage and relationship is all about.
