As someone who struggles with codependent tendencies, quarantine and the shelter in place orders brought back some of the issues I thought I had overcome. With my whole family at home and everyone constantly being in one another’s business, literally stepping on one another’s toes in the kitchen at times, my codependency decided it was the prime circumstance to make a comeback.
Motherhood breeds codependency
Life became an all-you-can-eat buffet for my ravenous codependency
It reared its head to convince me I needed to solve my family’s problems and sacrifice my own sanity to make sure theirs remained intact. The pandemic presented unprecedented challenges and required us to establish a bizarre lifestyle parallel to the one we had previously been living. We switched from thriving to surviving, and I felt as though I needed to become everyone’s floatation device in the event of emergency. This left me feeling deflated and adrift.
Now my kids are back in school and my husband is back at work, and I can redirect some of my constant caregiving for others back to caring for myself. I think moms sometimes feel like we aren’t allowed to have any boundaries, but I’ve learned that modeling boundaries and practicing self-care benefits everyone. One of the best things moms can do for their mental health is to have that awareness and recognize that being everything for everyone is a task that not even superheroes can accomplish.
Instead of rescuing my kids to my own detriment, I am empowering them to care for themselves
This will equip them far better than having to rely on me and then dealing with my eventual exhaustion. I no longer think I have to do it all to make sure everyone has a soft spot to land while I feel every jagged edge on the way down. Codependency is a trait that may never entirely disappear from my personality, but being mindful of this will enable me to make healthier decisions throughout motherhood and life.
