Accept and Adjust
Spend Time With Friends
On days or weeks when the kids are with your ex, make sure you have daily contact with people you like. Plan dinners or outings with friends, especially on weeknights, when you would otherwise be hustling through the dinner/homework/bedtime routines.
Keep Your Issues to Yourself
Find friends or a therapist with whom you can discuss your issues. It's important to not keep them bottled up, but don't share them with your kids. Your marriage was a partnership with another adult. Your children are not there to hear "sides."
Stay Focused on Your Kids
When any of this starts to get overwhelming or you feel as if you've completely lost any say in or control of your life as a parent, remind yourself to stay focused on the kids. Successful co-parenting means putting them and their needs first. You don't have to love or like your ex, but it hurts your child to be aware that you don't.
Don't Use Your Kid as the Messenger
Kids aren't reliable messengers, nor should they be. If you need to remind your partner about an agreement—or even a school performance date or vacation plan—tell your ex directly. When your child is the messenger, they're also the recipient of any less-than-positive reaction your ex may or may not have, and they'll blame themselves for any hurt feelings or misunderstanding.
Listen
Divorce and co-parenting include listening—to your ex, to your therapist, to your attorney, to your kids. Listen to needs, listen to plans, listen to advice, listen to options. And, from your kids, listen to feelings. Don't try to talk them out of their feelings; don't try to cheer them up. Listen to what they're telling you, ask questions and listen some more.
Stay Positive
Do what you can to stay positive. That doesn't mean you should stuff away feelings of loss or ignore signs of depression. But remember that co-parenting is a gift to your kids, that you're a good parent, that this is the situation you're in and that you are what will make a difference in your child's life.
