What's up Down There?
The V-Steam
What a facial is to the face, a V-Steam is to your nether regions. For $75, you can go to a spa, sit on a steam machine that looks something like a toilet seat and give your lady parts some fresh, hot joy. Rumored to help boost fertility and improve your sex life, if nothing else the V-Steam will provide a great story the next time you’re invited to girls' night out.
Goat Bladder to Stop the Invasion
Yes, goat bladder. Back in Greece in 120 AD, the king thought he suffered a curse that made his sperm turn into snakes and scorpions. So to protect his little Greek swimmers, he wrapped his man-stick in a goat’s bladder before getting jiggy with Mrs. King. It probably wasn’t that effective in warding off curses, but the goat bladder was the precursor to the modern-day condom. Trojan, get it?
Use Arsenic for Contraception
It actually worked, using arsenic as contraception. That’s because arsenic is poison, causes cancer and makes pregnancy impossible. But in ancient China, they ignored the cancer part and just went with the birth control part. Years later, we now know that arsenic is probably not as effective as the pill.
You Should've Put a Wig on It
What’s a merkin, you ask? Simply put, a merkin is a wig for your vagina. Used by celebs doing full-frontal nude scenes and prostitutes who had to shave their moneymakers due to a case of the creepy crawlies, merkins have been around for a very long time.
That's Hot, Sugar
Long before the “Brazilian” bikini wax, there was the "Egyptian." The ancient Egyptians believed total body hair removal was good for cleanliness, and so they made a mixture of sugar, lime and water and heated it into a syrup, rolled it into a ball, flattened it into the skin and quickly removed it (and the Egyptian lady’s hair-down-there). So apparently the ancient Egyptians created the first bikini wax (and the first lollipop?).
Doctor of Sexual Healing
In the sophisticated times of the 19th Century, a woman who stood up to her husband was thought to be “hysterical” and in need of immediate medical attention. A hysterical woman was also thought to be an irritable troublemaker with anxiety issues.
The treatment involved her doctor putting his hand up her skirt and, umm, releasing some tension until she was calm. All my OB ever did for me was run two hours late.
