What to Know
Pregnancy is an emotional time, thanks to all those hormones that have been unleashed in your body. Everything feels like such a big deal, especially when it comes to anything involving your baby-to-be. Finding out if your baby is going to be a boy or a girl is a lot of fun, but if you’re not having what you secretly (or not so secretly) hoped for, it can be really hard to get your head around. Feeling gender disappointment is normal, but after one devastated mom went viral, people are debating whether those feelings should ever be made public at all.
Mom-to-be Kaitlin Togami shared her breakdown after finding out her third baby is a boy.
@katie.ann8115 Imagine being so shallow you’re crying over the kids clothing section in TARGET #genderdissapointment #genderreveal #tradwife #momsoftiktok #babiesoftiktok also @I’ve Had It Podcast ♬ original sound – Katie Ann
Though Kaitlin’s original video has been taken down, it’s living on forever in the reposts from people who have downloaded it to add their own commentary.
She’s expecting her third baby, and after two boys, she was really hoping this one was a girl… but it’s another boy. She was so heartbroken over it all that she was sobbing for most of the video, wondering out loud why she couldn’t just have the “one thing” that she wanted.
“I always wanted that mother/daughter relationship,” she said. “I know that girls stay closer to their moms than boys do, and it’s not the same being the mother-in-law.”
She’d only found out 24 hours earlier, so the emotions were still pretty raw.
The debate around sharing your gender disappointment is really heating up because of Kaitlin’s video.
@sipteawithbrittney Do you think gender disappointment videos are insensitive?? #gender #genderreveal #babyboy #fyp #genderdisappointment ♬ original sound – ✿ | B R I T T N E Y | ✿
After one creator asked her followers if they thought it was insensitive to share gender disappointment so publicly like this, especially since there are likely people watching who have struggled with getting pregnant with a baby of any gender in the first place.
As it turns out, there are a lot of people who have experienced infertility themselves who agree with her on that point. “I went through three rounds of ivf and have a dog instead. Just be grateful you’ve got a healthy baby,” one person said.
Another added, “I wouldn’t know what that feels like. I had 8 miscarriages and I was more concerned about the baby’s health over their sex.”
Plenty of people are totally understanding of gender disappointment, but the overall sentiment seems to be that it’s a feeling you don’t share publicly and then try to move on from. What if her third son sees this video someday and feels he was unwanted?
Kaitlin is clearing the air: She loves her sons.
@kaitlin.togami Annndddd that’s all I’m going to say about that! Moving on and excited for the boy mom life! 🫶🏼 #boymomlife #internethate #genderdissappointment #motherhood #boymomsoftiktok ♬ suara asli – 𝒞𝒽𝒾𝓀𝒶.𝒸𝒽 – “𝙲𝚑𝔦𝚔𝚊™✨
The morning after Kaitlin went viral, she returned to TikTok to reassure her followers that she does, in fact, love her sons, despite the disappointment she’s experiencing now that she knows she may never have a daughter.
“The internet is a crazy place,” she said. “I love having my boys.”
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