There's a huge stigma against working moms — especially moms who use day care services for their kids. The last place you want to feel judged is at day care pickup, but according to one man, that's exactly what happened to his wife. Not only did their son's day care worker refuse to release their child to her, but she then made a hurtful dig that left his wife in tears.
The couple has two kids, an 8-year-old daughter and a 3-year-old son, and both parents are working throughout the health crisis.
The 37-year-old father explained in his post on Am I the A–hole that his 36-year-old wife is a doctor who works extremely long hours without many days off, whereas he works a normal 9 to 5 and is able to take on more of their child-rearing.
Because of stay-at-home orders, the dad has been home schooling his daughter but dropping off his son at day care.
His wife is an essential worker and the dad still needs to work while home schooling, "so I have dropped him off there as normal" because "it makes it easier for my son to still have his routine and so I can do my work and so on," he explained.
Recently, his wife happened to have time to pick up their son from day care.
Most of the people there know his wife "even though she’s rarely there." And his wife was excited to be able to do pickup. "I thought it went fine until she came home in tears," he wrote.
One of the new workers on staff had not, unfortunately, met his wife before.
As a result, she didn't believe that his wife was his son's mother.
"The other workers and my son told her that my wife was in fact the mother and that she wasn't a danger to my son," he wrote. "The new worker still didn't believe it and said that she didn't feel comfortable with letting a 3-year-old go off with a random woman she'd never seen before."
Then things got heated. His wife swore to the woman that she was her son's mother, but she still wouldn't budge on her stance.
Other parents even backed up that his wife was who said said she was — "and it was only through relenting that the new worker gave up."
Wanting to make sure a child is safe is one thing, but what she said next to the OP's wife was a low blow.
"She made a really angry comment along the lines of, 'maybe if you were here more often, I wouldn’t have to verify your identity,'" he shared. Cue the waterworks.
His wife just wants to forget the whole nasty incident, but he can't let it go.
The next day, he did drop-off and asked to speak to the woman in charge about the new day care worker. The woman in charge "wasn't happy," and as a result "I've now learnt the new worker has been given a severe warning and that her behavior is being watched."
The problem is that now some parents at their day care think he went too far.
Even people who thought the new worker had acted unprofessionally worried that he had overstepped by interfering.
"My wife is annoyed as she thinks I shouldn't have said anything," he wrote. "I really don't know if what I did was right or wrong so am I the A–hole?"
Some people thought the dad had nothing to feel bad about.
"Not The A–hole," one person wrote. "If worker was actually worried she would have asked for ID. That was being snide for no reason."
"I pick up my child from daycare every day, and I re-fill out a form every six months with a list of people who would be authorized to pick up our son," another person commented. "ID requested if workers are unsure. It's standard procedure."
"The thing is the worker was a stubborn [expletive]," someone else agreed.
Other people thought the dad was clearly at fault.
"You're the A–hole," one person wrote. "You weren't there. If your wife wants to complain, she's an adult and [can] complain herself."
"Your wife is an adult," a second person added. "She told you what happened and asked you not to get involved. You did anyway. YTA for disrespecting your wife."
"You weren't even there and should have stayed out of it since you only have one person's version of the story … and that person didn't even want to take any action," a third person agreed.
At the end of the day, no mom should be judged for having a career. As is clear by his wife's reaction — working mothers probably judge themselves harshly enough as is without snide comments from others.
