Mothers-in-law are notorious for making their daughters-in-law’s lives difficult. One mother-in-law, however, took things way too far when she took photos of her daughter-in-law's vagina while she was in labor. TikToker @Bramty posted a video on TikTok that has been viewed more than 5 million times and has received more than 8,000 comments, explaining the uncomfortable situation. Bramty shared that in addition to her mother-in-law, her husband, and her mother, her husband’s aunt and brother were also in the room. It sounds way too crowded for an experience that is intense and meant to be intimate for the mother and whomever she chooses to be present.
It’s common sense (or it should be) that the birthing time is all about the mom and her preferences, not anybody else's. But her husband did not get it and neither did her mother-in-law. TikTokers were furious that this mom had a traumatic birth experience and that she stayed with her husband after her mother-in-law centered herself during her birth experience and he failed to stand up for her.
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Her husband's family took photos of her vagina during labor and sent them to other family members, and that is not OK.
Bramty shared in her TikTok video that she did not want anyone but her mother and husband present during birth, but her choices were not respected.
“I was like 'I don’t want your mom in the room. I only want you and my mom in the room. You’re my husband and I want my mom for emotional support,'” she said. But that is not what happened.
“He didn’t really understand when you give birth it’s about the mom, it’s about the wife. She’s the one giving birth, going through things, physically, mentally — that is what you have to support”, Bramty said.
Her husband interrupts, “Whatever she’s most comfortable with is the most important thing.” But that wasn’t the case back then.
Bramty goes on to explain that not only was her mother-in-law present after she said she didn’t want her there, but she and her husband's aunt also were taking photos of her vagina during labor that were later sent to other family members.
What?! That is not OK!
Her husband tried to blame his mom’s behavior on cultural differences rather than admit that she was wrong.
“At the time I was just so focused on contractions. At that time we had my mom, you, your mom, your brother, and your aunt who I never f—ing spoke to in my whole f—ing life in the room,” she said.
To which he replied, “Cause it’s Cuban people. They just want to be involved and they think everything’s just fine and nothing's taboo.”
Bramty said, “I wish you would have had my back back then. Like ‘C'mon Bramty. You’re about to give birth. Everybody out. Only what my wife wants.'”
We couldn’t agree more.
Having unwanted people present during labor can affect a mother’s birth experience negatively.
Giving birth is a vulnerable and personal experience that can already be stressful and frightening. Having unwanted people present can create additional and unneeded stress on the mother, which can negatively affect the birthing process.
That additional stress can prolong or even detour labor, causing harm to the mother and the baby. Some have even compared the need for privacy during labor to the need for privacy while having intercourse and for other people to respect it in the same way.
“Some writers have observed that, for a labouring woman, having a baby has a lot of parallels with making a baby: the same hormones, the same parts of the body, the same sounds and the same needs for feelings of safety and privacy," Dr. Sarah Buckley wrote, according to Belly Belly. "How would it be to attempt to make love in the conditions under which we expect women to give birth?”
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TikTokers were outraged at the MIL’s and husband's behavior.
Users of the social media app were appropriately furious and indignant over what happened to Bramty and how her birth experience was additionally stressful because of unwanted people like her mother-in-law being present. Many pointed out how her husband should have stood up for her and what she wanted.
“I love Luis now, but lowkey HE ruined your birthing experience by not setting boundaries with his mom out of respect for his wife,” one person commented on the clip.
“Respectfully, I would’ve left Luis. I don’t think I could forgive my husband if he didn’t have my back," someone else wrote. "I’m so sorry you had to go through that Bramty.”
“Many men don’t realize that when you marry someone your spouse comes first even b4 parents & that includes decisions having to do with your new family,” another person added.
Others pointed out that the birth experience should be only about the mom and what she wants and that mothers should tell their nurses and providers who they do or don’t want present during labor.
“For anyone reading this: TELL YOUR NURSE WHAT YOU WANT if your partner is not listening,” one person urged.
