Being a mom is many things: funny, hard, amazing, HARD, rewarding — did we mention hard? One of the things that can make it challenging is the fact that even the easiest kids make mistakes, break rules, and do stupid things. Basically, all kids will need some correction as they grow, and it’s normal for moms to want to help their kids figure out how to do better without having to turn to yelling.
Almost every mom will yell at some point (because, hello, this parenting stuff is exhausting and frustrating, even when we’re not in lockdown) but some moms have tried and true ways of correcting their kids with no yelling required. Moms who are looking for some strategies to keep the peace, help their kids do better, and to not lose their sanity along the way should read on for 20 totally workable solutions!
Mom Guilt
“Honestly, I tap into the Catholic mom guilt. ‘I love you but the choice you made disappoints me. You’re better than this. Let’s talk after you think about what you did’ is my go-to.” — Maureen A., DeLand, Florida
Use Technology
“When it comes to distance learning stuff, I’ve found that using technology helps. My kid works in Google Docs so I can see what they are working on and give them tips or corrections along the way. Prevents frustration on both sides when it comes school stuff.” — Bethany G., Orchard Park, New York
Safe & Heard
“My tip is to really work on speaking calmly and quietly. Kids usually deescalate on their own when they feel safe and heard. I want to model dealing with tough situations without being aggressive.” — Lauren K., St Paul, Minnesota
Clear Expectations
“I am very clear about expectations and always follow through with any warning, so they know that if I tell them that they are facing consequences, they know I mean it. No yelling required when you are consistent about expectations.” — Sara P., Topsham, Maine
Set Standards
“I don’t yell at my kids and I don’t tolerate being yelled at either. If my kids forget that, I take a deep breath and say ‘I can’t understand you when you yell. Can you try it again in a quieter voice?’ and that usually works.” — Mindy D., Washington, DC
Use Texts
“With older kids, I text a lot. Avoids confrontation, let’s us both think about our words and has the bonus of there being a record of what we agreed to later on.” — Beth S., Cary, North Carolina
Self-Care
“I’m a lot more able to be calm with the kids when I’m doing a better job with taking care of myself. I’m trying to prioritize getting sleep and taking my daily walk because I know that I can have more patience if I do.” — Leanna H, Sarnia, Ontario
Play Into Their Interests
“I try not to yell and I try to play into their current obsessions. Like, if my puppy-obsessed kiddo is making a mess, I’ll ask, ‘How would a dog clean up these toys?’ and that can break the tension and get them moving on what I need them to do.” — Sammie C., San Diego, California
Practice Kindness
"I lead a department of 50 people at work. I’ve never yelled at an employee, so I feel like I need to treat my kids as kindly as I treat my employees. I remind myself sometimes that I never want to be someone who treats strangers or employees more calmly than I treat my kids." — Tina R., Apple Valley, Minnesota
Know My Triggers
“I think the biggest way for me to avoid yelling when my kids need to be corrected is to know my own triggers for when I might lose my temper. I get most stressed at that witching hour right around dinner time when everyone is hangry. So I know I need to take a moment and breath before I respond then.” — Amy K., Lansing, Michigan
Adjust Expectations
“For me, I had to adjust my expectations of what normal kid behavior is. Like, I would get frustrated at how long it takes to get out the door in the winter. But I just need to build in more time to get gear on and realize that yelling doesn’t get us out of the house any faster.” — Marnie L., Des Moines, Iowa
Be Transparent
“When I feel like I’m getting close to losing my cool (hello and thank you, distance learning!), I try to be transparent and say ‘Hey, I’m feeling frustrated and I don’t want to yell, so can you focus on listening to me right now?’ I make it a joint project to keep things calm.” — Jennie D., Los Gatos, California
Tap Tap
“It sounds weird, but I read this tip online and it totally works. When I’m getting to the point where I feel myself getting worked up, I tap myself on the forehead while taking some deep breaths. It helps calm the adrenaline, I think.” — Mandy B., Topeka, Kansas
Joint Walk
“When I need to have a talk with my kid about correcting the way they are doing something, we take a walk. I think it helps us both focus on the conversation and we’re much less likely to yell if the neighbors could hear us!” — Brenna K., San Diego, California
Tag Out
“My husband and I have an agreement about not wanting to have a house with yelling, so we make sure we tag out if we are feeling like we might yell. Letting the other parent step in can really help and makes us look like a united front.” — Erin A., Virginia, Minnesota
Keep Perspective
“I just remind myself that I don’t enjoy being yelled at and that yelling has never made me want to do a better job at something, so why would it work for the kids?” — Zoey K., Tucson, Arizona
Use Sparingly
“For me, yelling is reserved for incidents with the possibility of injury or real harm. I don’t want the kids to tune out my yelling because they hear it too often. I want to retain the shock value for when I need it.” — Patrice J., Charleston, South Carolina
Don't Give In
"Whining is a trigger for yelling, so we never gave in to whining. We'd say, 'Use your big boy/girl voice.' If their request didn't include 'please,' we wouldn't comply. If they needed prompting, we'd say, 'How do you ask?' If they didn't know, we'd demonstrate for them." — Julie Q., Frederick, Maryland
Think Long Term
"Everyone makes mistakes and all kids need correction sometimes. Being a mom means doing that, but I always wanted to make sure I thought long term about the impact of how I correct. I don't yell because I don't want my daughter thinking it is OK for people who love you to yell at you. I choose to model respect and hope she always demands it in her future relationships." — Diane L., St. Paul, Minnesota
Use Props
"This sounds a little silly, but it totally works! When my kids aren't listening to me and I'm tempted to yell to get their attention, I grab a puppet or stuffed animal instead. They'll listen to Mr. Froggy when they won't listen to me!" — Elizabeth W., Phoenix, Arizona
