I miss my baby.
The thought came and attacked me the first night my youngest was sleeping in his own bed. Having co-slept with both of my kids, its ending hit me harder than I thought it would.
Co-sleeping always made the most sense to me as they both nursed to sleep, were hard to put down, and just wanted to cuddle. I nursed my youngest to sleep in his bed and left that night. It was just like I’d been doing at naptime for weeks, but this felt different.
I was OK until I tried to go to sleep myself
The thought that I missed my baby was a loaded one
It’s not one that I was expecting, and it’s not just about him moving to his room. It’s about it all. It’s a reminder of the passage of time.
How long until he stops nursing? Stops cuddling all together? While I know that babies grow quickly, it feels like time has accelerated since having kids. It’s like I blinked, and another season is over.
It’s a constant tug-of-war between my heart growing in the next room and the space he left behind. It will never be filled no matter how much time goes by. With your last baby, you mourn more as milestones whiz by you. It’s not that I don’t mourn the older one’s loss of babyhood, but I was too tired and busy with a newborn to notice.
While his former spot in my bed grows cold, I remind myself to live in the moment. There is plenty more to look forward to as the kids continue to grow. Some of those milestones can be as difficult as they are exciting. He will still always be mine — whether he’s a baby or not.
