Before I had a baby, I thought the phrase “It takes a village” meant every child needed a community — of course family, but also friends, neighbors, the local librarian, letter carriers and the everyday people we encounter in life.
I was wrong.
To the moms who don't have a village:
- I know what it's like to wish you could just call someone over to your house to watch the baby while you take a shower but have no one.
- I know what it's like to be the first in your friend group to have a baby and have no one understand what you're going through.
- I know you feel isolated.
- I know what it's like to never be able to watch a movie while it's still in theaters.
- I know you read things about “weekend getaways” and roll your eyes because it simply isn't a reality for your family — who'd watch the kids?
- I know that even occasional babysitting adds up and is not always feasible for a new family.
- I know you might have trusted and well-meaning family members who want to help but can't due to age, disability, or distance.
Not having a village taught me a few things. I got firsthand knowledge about how lonely motherhood could be.
In our case, our village grew when my sister moved nearby. In addition to being adored by our daughter, I trust her completely — two essential characteristics for anyone in your village. Suddenly, we could enjoy the occasional date night and life was transformed. In time, we found a few friends and settled into our new community.
In fact, my husband and I did eventually get a weekend away by ourselves. About a year and a half into parenthood, I coordinated the trip with my mom's visit from out of state.
Not having a village taught me a few things. I got firsthand knowledge about how lonely motherhood could be. I learned that I couldn't be friends with just any mom I met, but that I needed to make a new friend who just happened to be a mom (much harder to do). By contrast, I also learned the real value in being able to get away when you have the kind of support every mom needs. Time away is replenishing.
Ultimately, I learned that when you don't have a big family, you have to venture out with your baby on your own. In doing so, perhaps we village-lacking moms can find one another and be there in the ways we'd like to have someone be there for us.
