College Bound
Reinforce Their Abilities
College is a time when your teen will discover her strengths and weaknesses. With your encouragement, she can succeed on her own. "Listen to their frustrations and empathize, and reassure them that they can handle it," recommends Brooke. "Make sure they know that if they're really in trouble, they can rely on you to help them figure out what to do, but that you're not there to rescue them."
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Encourage Decision Making
Realize that when you let your child exercise his independent decision-making skills, you're actually helping him become an adult. At college, he must decide when to complete homework, wash laundry, clean his room and how to budget money. "Part of being an adult is making decisions for yourself, and it's imperative that you let your child develop this skill," says California-based psychotherapist Christina Steinorth.
Open Lines of Communication
Resist the urge to contact your college student more than once a week. "Keep the lines of communication open [but give] your child more space," says Steinorth. "They'll be more inclined to come to you for conversations if they don't always feel like you're watching over them." Discuss a mutual day and time to check in and provide updates, but keep in mind that your child's schedule may require some flexibility periodically.
Model Self-Sufficiency
Your teen has learned from your actions as a parent. By modeling self-sufficiency, you give him a prime example of how to survive on his own. "Recognize that each individual — including your child — has his or her own style and tempo," says Dr. Fran Walfish, Beverly Hills psychotherapist. "If you think you can do it better than your son, you're in trouble because the impulse will always be there, urging you to take over. Own up to it and then cool it." Let them stride on their own.
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Let Them Stumble
Even though it may be difficult to watch your child stumble and fall, as a college student, she will. And she will also get up and learn from the challenges — grades, assignments, roommates and social activities. "Even as you're watching them make a mistake from a distance and want to warn them of it, the only way for them to really learn is to get dirty, to get hurt and realize they can push beyond it," says clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula.
Curb Homesickness
As the parent of a college student, it's distressing to see your child suffer from homesickness. Although it may be tempting to ask him to come home at the first sign of it, resist the urge, says Durvasula. "Even if they want to run home, have them push through the discomfort and reassess in six weeks," she says. "By making them stick it out and giving them the freedom to find their own way, they will create a new home for themselves at college."
