Independence Day
Maintain Balance
Before letting your children have free rein, it's imperative to keep them tethered to you — at least for a little while. "Balance nurturing, setting limits and holding boundaries," Walfish said. "Kids can only become independent if they have been given structure and internal guidelines as foundation." For example, set a curfew for your child, and then extend that curfew as she continues to demonstrate responsibility.
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Let Them Vent
Children should be encouraged to express all of their emotions, and this includes anger. "You will help your child develop excellent communication tools that include conflict resolution skills," Walfish said. "Your child needs to know he is acknowledged, validated and accepted — flaws and all." Of course, it's imperative that you let your child vent without sparking your own anger. You want to guide him into a meaningful conversation rather than a meaningless argument.
Raise a Free Thinker
A part of raising independent children is allowing them to grow and expand their minds. "Encourage your child's unique and individual ideas, thoughts and opinions," Walfish said. By doing so, you'll show your children that you see them as young adults who are developing and growing into their own persons.
Build Them Up
As they grow and mature into adults, children are going to make some mistakes — just as we did. The goal is to help them learn from those mistakes and move on rather than dwelling on them. "Build self-esteem by using words that support and motivate with empathic attunement rather than criticizing," Walfish said.
Deal With It
As parents, we try to protect our children from harm, whether that's physical or emotional. We don't want them to get hurt. But unfortunately, standing idly by as they do get hurt is something we must do. "We cannot protect [them from] or prevent life's disappointments," Walfish said. "The best we can do is equip our children with coping skills to deal with inevitable letdowns." When all is said and done, they will be stronger for it.
Reap the Rewards
Giving your child the space to grow and flex her independence won't come all at once. Instead, it will come in baby steps. As your child shows she can deal with that independence in a responsible way, you'll need to respond in kind. "Reward your child's demonstration of good judgment and good behavior with incremental amounts of increased independence and freedom," said Walfish.
